One two three four five and six... Well that's the countless number of times I have counted the number of poles in the window. When you have nothing to do nothing to keep you busy this is how you keep yourself busy. May be I should start counting the number of revolutions of the fan.
Oh I hear some foot steps. Whenever I hear foot steps I am filled with three different emotions at the same time. First there is a hope that may be some near and dear one is here to visit me. Near one oh come on who am I fooling. To my knowledge this home is far off from city. Dear ones now that's a million dollar question.
Secondly there is a feeling of embarrassment. It feels quite weird to have myself cleaned by some third person. But well at least that would make the stench of self tolerable. Oh how I long for a hot shower. How I never took time to enjoy the shower when I could. Now the third strongest feeling is fear. Fear if it is he footsteps of the God of death. Fear of unknown.
If I replay my life from the beginning I am left with an overwhelming feeling of guilt and if nots and buts and if onlys. I was blessed with everything. Good Parents, Partner, Job, Kids, Health and a decent income. But I never waited to count my blessings. Where I could have been busy loving people I was too much busy judging people and holding grudges. Well like I said if you are blessed with everything you are left with too much of pride and ego.
I am The Husband and the minute I married I felt that is enough qualification for me to judge and to guard my wife. I was constantly trying to make her a better person (well now I realize she was always from the beginning a better person) and in that process I forgot the hurt I was inflicting on her. I admired her care for me and I have secretly felt amazed at her enthusiasm in going out of the way in making every festival a memorable one. She was never tired of having guests and infact without her my house would remain a mere house not a home. But did I take time to let her know that? No..Sadly we always take for granted the people who matter the most. I never thought it is even required to let her know that I loved her and I thought I should never make her my priority. What if people brand me as being henpecked. May be she left this world without even knowing I did love her.
My kids. Kids are meant to be naughty. Kids are meant to be messy. Kids are those who add meaning to our lives. I know it but didn't realize it. I was constantly yelling at them to make sure the house is free of mess and the wall is free of their scribbling and demanding the respect in every turn of their lives. In the end I achieved what I wanted out of force but I lost their love for me. Where I should have showed them how to live with my actions I was using words.
There is no point in doing things but what is important is doing the right thing at the right time.
I was born a human being but failed in being human. I used to feel the most important person around me is me, myself and then put everyone else after me.Now in the end when am waiting for my end am here all alone in this room counting my days .
Oh I hear footsteps again. And this time it is oh wait. Its dark in the night. No one around. Why am I hearing foot steps. Did I tell you whenever I hear footsteps I am filled with three different emotions all at the same time.....
Oh I hear some foot steps. Whenever I hear foot steps I am filled with three different emotions at the same time. First there is a hope that may be some near and dear one is here to visit me. Near one oh come on who am I fooling. To my knowledge this home is far off from city. Dear ones now that's a million dollar question.
Secondly there is a feeling of embarrassment. It feels quite weird to have myself cleaned by some third person. But well at least that would make the stench of self tolerable. Oh how I long for a hot shower. How I never took time to enjoy the shower when I could. Now the third strongest feeling is fear. Fear if it is he footsteps of the God of death. Fear of unknown.
I was wrong. It was none of them. Someone walked past my room. I think the feeling of I the ego the pride all of it stays with us as long as we are healthy. With old age the most fearful feeling is to be left alone. To be without partner. The only thing am left with now is the feeling of I and some memories.
If I replay my life from the beginning I am left with an overwhelming feeling of guilt and if nots and buts and if onlys. I was blessed with everything. Good Parents, Partner, Job, Kids, Health and a decent income. But I never waited to count my blessings. Where I could have been busy loving people I was too much busy judging people and holding grudges. Well like I said if you are blessed with everything you are left with too much of pride and ego.
I am The Husband and the minute I married I felt that is enough qualification for me to judge and to guard my wife. I was constantly trying to make her a better person (well now I realize she was always from the beginning a better person) and in that process I forgot the hurt I was inflicting on her. I admired her care for me and I have secretly felt amazed at her enthusiasm in going out of the way in making every festival a memorable one. She was never tired of having guests and infact without her my house would remain a mere house not a home. But did I take time to let her know that? No..Sadly we always take for granted the people who matter the most. I never thought it is even required to let her know that I loved her and I thought I should never make her my priority. What if people brand me as being henpecked. May be she left this world without even knowing I did love her.
My kids. Kids are meant to be naughty. Kids are meant to be messy. Kids are those who add meaning to our lives. I know it but didn't realize it. I was constantly yelling at them to make sure the house is free of mess and the wall is free of their scribbling and demanding the respect in every turn of their lives. In the end I achieved what I wanted out of force but I lost their love for me. Where I should have showed them how to live with my actions I was using words.
There is no point in doing things but what is important is doing the right thing at the right time.
I was born a human being but failed in being human. I used to feel the most important person around me is me, myself and then put everyone else after me.Now in the end when am waiting for my end am here all alone in this room counting my days .
Oh I hear footsteps again. And this time it is oh wait. Its dark in the night. No one around. Why am I hearing foot steps. Did I tell you whenever I hear footsteps I am filled with three different emotions all at the same time.....
