Sixty Things to You Mom on your 60th Bday

Sixty Things I Love About My Amma.
We can never define love in numbers and especially the unconditional love every mother has for their children can never be even expressed in words. Yet today is a special day. My mom's sixtieth Birthday. Happy Birthday amma. Really wish I could be with you to celebrate this special day for you. Love you mom. Love all the below about you and love all these beautiful moments.
1.A mother is depicted as a person with unconditional love, patience, tenderness, care and beauty. And me and my sister are so lucky that you are a blend of all those virtues. I am a mother now but yet there are times I lose my temper and at those times I immeidatley feel guilty because we both have been always testing your temper but yet you have hardly ever raised your voice and raising hands at kids is out of question for you. Thats the first thing I love about you amma. You have atmost paitence when it comes to kids but at the same time you can be the first person who gets angry whenever you see your kids get hurt. Love that quality mom.

2.Moms are beautiful for every child. But most of the time be it our cousins or in our school many times my friends have said wow, Is that your mom. She looks so pretty. And we give a big grin. You are always beautiful and your beautiful mind reflects in your face as well.

3.Your kindess to everyone. Not just my cousins from your siblings but you used to love even my cousins from Dad's siblings. And best thing is they all used to adore you.

4.I remember this when I was just 3 years old I guess. You wear wearing a green saree that has white flowers in it and was combing your hair and I was saying Mom why are you not wearing two plaits. Then you said after mariage women wont wear two plaits and I insisted you have to and you put two palits and showed me just for few minutes.I still remember how beautiful you looked. Love that beautiful moment.

5.Before Suji was born you used to teach me Maths and English. Mostly sundays afternoon especially just before Spider man starts in TV you used to ask me dictation words. I used to make sure I spell everything correct just to get your appreciation and hug.

6.I love the way how you used to comb my hair everyday morning before school and you used to laugh at any kind of silly jokes I say. I used to be feeling proud of myself for making you smile and laugh with me. Golden period.

7.Gold Medalist in MA Hindi Translation. How cool is that.After marriage and with kids, trying to do a post graduation on itself is challenging and you managed to get gold medal. I loved every single minute of your exam preparation. One thing is you had taken leave so you were at home and the way you used to write and study was always an admiration for us.

8.You are so lucky amma as ammamma was always close by. I have always admired your bondage with ammamma and thoramma.

9.Santhoshimatha vrath. I am not sure at that age, why you did that. But I loved the way you used to sincerely do the pooja and especially the tasty food you cook on that day as you cannot take anything sour.

10. Baba Bhajans. Most of the time in the sunday we used to go to Baba bhajans and you rarely accompany us. But it is fun when you accompany for the Bhajan. It always feel good. Just your presence makes happy.

11.Most of the times especially in those rainy days when it becomes dark soon, and if you are not come from office, we both missed you a lot and go and hug your saree and feel little better.

12.Our school. I felt so proud that we both actually studied in same school. Sometimes when I tell them you also studied in the same school and if the teacher happens to remember you it was just awesome.

13.I love the way how you seem to be cool for most of the things. Stress and tension were out of question. If me or Suji gets sick you take care of us without the tension part.

14.Whether you believe it or not I love your cooking amma.Especially the rasam rice and crispy potato fry...Yummmyyyyy!!!!

15.And the other best thing about you is me or Suji we never have to sugarcoat anything. We can just tell anything and everything to you and be sure that you will not get angry and you will never. You forgive us so easily and never complain. We are very sorry for all the times we have hurt you.

16.All rounder You.How can one person be the Finance Secretary of Hindi Prachar Sabha and can same time be a warden of hostel. Esp round the clock work with absolutely no support from me and Suji. Always amazing.

17.And the other biggest surprise is you being so innocent hardly ever raise your voice am still surprised how you managed auditors your team at work and represented DBHPS even in court cases. Wow amma. Never can stop adimiring those qualities of yours.

18.We had golden period in Hindi prachar sabha quarters. Whenever I used to come to your work place, its a proud feeling. You are always surrounded by people who keep asking you doubts and who also come and play with us.

19.Do you remember our own house in mudichhur road. The grahapravesam we had. Though you and dad bought something very simple for yourselves you managed to get me a nice dress for it. I remember the saffron full skirt with jari border and how I adored wearing it. Touched by yours and Dad's sacrifice forever mom

20.Falling sick used to be fun as whenever we are sick the attention you shower on us was amazing.

21.The time I had to join college on the first day I was really really nervous and was worried about ragging. And you had accompanied me on the first day which gave me the courage I required.

22.The time I was working in SBI, every weekend you used to send me boxes of my favorite dishes and the weekend I come home I get treated like some queen. Adore you mom for that.

23.Waking up late demanding for a coffee, not even moving a spoon around , anytime asking for favorite dish to be cooked, never even once asked if you were tired after a long day at work instead the minute u come home we both used to ask what are you going to do for us. Always it has been what you do for us never once we asked what we should do for you. All that realization hit us when we got married and have our own kids amma.

24.Taking care of self is a must. That is one important lesson you have taught us to take care of ourselves though we never do it in reality especially after we have kids.

25.With Dad being too orthodox I know you are the one who even convinced him for my first onsite trip. That gave me quite a freedom and exposure and even now provided a strong base for my career.

26.When I got my tenth results and I missed the school first in 2 marks you too cried with me and you wanted to bring the whole world to console me.

27.Do you remember all our festivals amma. Especially Diwali. The beautiful rangoli you put your artistic talent is something I always adore of. How patiently and how big a rangoli you used to put. That is the first thing that brings in the festive look. And we celebrate with wonderful food and then visit ammammas house and it was always fun.

28.And because of you we were blessed with four wonderful uncles. you are lucky to have four brothers amma. Each one of us have touched my life in a very different yet unique way. Blessed we are for that.

29.Along with your beautiful art work you have a wonderful voice amma. The songs you sing to put us to sleep when we fall sick are so soothing for our soul. Even now I sing chinna pappa to both Anannya and Ramana but never can match your voice.

30.Active Forever. The other thing is I have never seen you tired.I Know you cant stay awake after 8.30 pm to the most. But you wake up early and till you go to bed you are busy like a bee. So am not sure who gave me and suji the lazy character ;-).

31.Certain people add beauty in everything they do. That is what is you when it comes to your work at office, your singing, your drawings and especially your handwriting. You have one of the best handwrirings in Hindi, English and Tamil . I cant comment about Telugu as I dont know the script though.

32.Your Devotion. Your strong faith in God is something that has always given moral support to us amma. Sometimes when life treats us badly I remember how mom could have dealt with this. Then I know I should just leave all my problems to God. And that lesson is taught by you and dad.

33.Have you ever been strict with us. Absolutely No. Never ever you have been strict and that is what is so good about you.

34.100% Greatness 0% Pride. They say empty vessel makes more noise. I have seen many people who even though they know less they talk more. Pass opinion and Judgement on anything and everything. But look at you. You were the joint secretary of the leading organization and yet I have never seen you brag about it. In a group discussion even though people who know nothing keep talking crap you used to be silent and just listen. A very valuable lesson but hard to practise though.

35.My marriage. I guess it is one of the grandest weddings that ever took place in our family. And I was in some dream world shopping for all costly sarees and stuff. Never once asked you or Dad how you are managing the expenses. Even now feel guilty about that behaviour. But you both made my dream come true and gave the best possible wedding any girl can dream of.

36.My first Child. It is indeed a golden period to return to your parents house for pregnancy and I had the best of the best times amma, during Anannya's pregnancy. I was lavished with care and love and always got whatever I wanted rather demanded :-).

37.Love for Grand child :- It was beautiful to see you bonding with my kids and I adore every minute of it. I love it when you tell stories. You tell it so well and am glad my kids get to listen to them.

38.Your first Advice :- After my marriage the first thing you told me is I should treat my inlaws with respect and care. I should never let a single drop of tear come from their eyes. I should treat my Sister in law as my own and the more I keep her happy my kids will be happy. I dont know how many moms give such advice these days. But you do everytime since day 1 of my marriage till now the same thing. And we do follow it :-).

39.The best of the times I ever had is last year when you had come for Ramana's delivery. The few months we spent, is probaly the first time we spent quite a time talking. I never had the chance before as I was always outside home for work. And every day the time we spent talking, the stories you shared are all beautiful moments that I cherish forever amma.

40.YOu and Dad. The way you care for Dad, the way you express what you wanted to tell the way you be polite and the way you keep your patience it is all unique and since both of you have same interests I love it wheny you both sometimes fight with each other .

41.Sometimes when it comes to kids, you forget everything. I have seen that when you had continously crying during my appendicits and when Suji was admitted in Andhra hospital. You were strong yet tender.

42.When you went for Sujatha's delivery to hospital I got so worried. And then when I saw the baby and you, I was awewd looking at the small baby. But then I remember climbing the bed and sleeping with you. After that when DAd took me home he got me a new snake and ladder but by the time it was night, I was still crying as I missed you a lot and slept crying.

43.Brindavan Gardens trip was the best trip I remember as a child. We had real fun and it was a wonderful period.

44.Do you remember our Ooty trip. Especially we stayed in the quarters and tasted all those yummy teas and hot breakfast. Another fun time we spent amma.

45.When it comes to ammamma, during her last days you were there with her helping her and supporting her. You made it easier for her amma.

46.Whenver we go to any trip amma, when we come back home so tired, me and suji will rush to bed and keep saying mom we are hungry. We never think even you are tired. But you will make our fav curry and rasam and even papad so we can have good dinner after a tiring trip.

47.Whenever we get sick we used to get excited but even if you lie down with common cold we get terribly scared amma. That is something which we never told you. Stay healthy always.

48.Write Write and Write. I love the way how you enjoy writing amma. Whether it is the slokas or songs or even just sriramajayam you take effort and even tthat small thing you do with sincereity.

49.Excellence is when you do small things with great love and that is exactly how you do things amma. Every small thing be it at your work or even if it is a grocerly list you do it with great care.

50. Remember your 50th birthday amma. I asked all my friends to write you a card. And we made sure you received 50 post cards. It was an awesome feeling. And not only that, the first salary I got and the first saree I got for you is always special for me and close to my heart.

The last 10 things I want to tell you is amma, what I learnt more about your love and about your sacrifice is when I myself became my mom.

51.I understood that even when I feel tired to the core, when my kids need something I somehow get all the energy in the world and that is exactly how you were and I appreciate it more now. I understand how I never thought of helping you or even asking you if you were tired when I was with you.

52.I understood that no matter how old I am and it doesnt matter if I have my own kids, the minute I step into my mom's house I will be treated as a kid and get pampered.I love that special treatment amma.

53.I understood that when my kids argue with me it actually did hurts and same way I might have hurt you a lot with my know all attitude never realizing it might have hurt your feelings. I am sorry for that amma and thank you for never really making a scene of all those.

54.I understood that sometimes I did want to eat that last piece of papad or cake but I still give it up for my kids and the same way how you have done all those days for us and I have no words to express how I feel about it.

55.I undersood that inspite of feeling sleepy and dead tired I still wake up early if my kids have to be up early and thanks for those innumerable times be it my exams or be it I am feeding my young ones, you have woken up at 4 am or so just to make that freshly brewed coffee.

56.I understood that at times even I need my own me time but hardly ever get time to have that the same way you might have longed for it and I respect your sacrifice amma.

57.TV Remote was our birth right when I was young. Now I hardly get turn and I hardly have time and I hardly care. But I know that sometimes even if you wanted to see something different and if you have had the time you didnt bother just so we can have fun.

58.I understood that the many times when you were not well and all you need to do was to rest you were still up and running for the sake of us.

59.I understood that there are times when you really missed your siblings and your parents and just wanted a break with them but ever since I was there, I have never seen you taken a break like that amma.

60.Most of all, I understand and realize that you mean the world to me just like how my life partner and my kids mean to me. Never less. Never More. Love you a lot amma and wish you the most wonderful Birthday ever. Love you.

I Me Myself

One two three four five and six... Well that's the countless number of times I have counted the number of poles in the window. When you have nothing to do nothing to keep you busy this is how you keep yourself busy. May be I should start counting the number of  revolutions of the fan.


 Oh I hear some foot steps. Whenever I hear foot steps I am filled with three different emotions at the same time. First there is a hope that may be some near and dear one is here to visit me. Near one oh come on who am I fooling. To my knowledge this home is far off from city. Dear ones now that's a million dollar question.

Secondly there is a feeling of embarrassment. It feels quite weird to have myself cleaned by some third person. But well at least that would make the stench of self tolerable. Oh how I long for a hot shower. How I never took time to enjoy the shower when I could. Now the third strongest feeling is fear. Fear if it is he footsteps of the God of death. Fear of unknown.

I was wrong. It was none of them. Someone walked past my room. I think the feeling of I the ego the pride all of it stays with us as long as we are healthy. With old age the most fearful feeling is to be left alone. To be without partner. The only thing am left with now is the feeling of I and some memories.

If I replay my life from the beginning I am left with an overwhelming feeling of guilt and if nots and buts and if onlys. I was blessed with everything. Good Parents, Partner, Job, Kids, Health and a decent income. But I never waited to count my blessings. Where I could have been busy loving people I was too much busy judging people and holding grudges. Well like I said if you are blessed with everything you are left with too much of pride and ego.



I am The Husband and the minute I married I felt that is enough qualification for me to judge and to guard my wife. I was constantly trying to make her a better person (well now I realize she was always from the beginning a better person) and in that process I forgot the hurt I was inflicting on her. I admired her care for me and I have secretly felt amazed at her enthusiasm in going out of the way in making every festival a memorable one. She was never tired of having guests and infact without her my house would remain a mere house not a home. But did I take time to let her know that? No..Sadly we always take for granted the people who matter the most. I never thought it is even required to let her know that I loved her and I thought I should never make her my priority. What if  people brand me as being henpecked. May be she left this world without even knowing I did love her.



My kids. Kids are meant to be naughty. Kids are meant to be messy. Kids are those who add meaning to our lives. I know it but didn't realize it. I was constantly yelling at them to make sure the house is free of mess and the wall is free of their scribbling and demanding the respect in every turn of their lives. In the end I achieved what I wanted out of force but I lost their love for me. Where I should have showed them how to live with my actions I was using words.


There is no point in doing things but what is important is doing the right thing at the right time.
I was born a human being but failed in being human. I used to feel the most important person around me is me, myself and then put everyone else after me.Now in the end when am waiting for my end am here all alone in this room counting my days .


Oh I hear footsteps again. And this time it is oh wait. Its dark in the night. No one around. Why am I hearing foot steps. Did I tell you whenever I hear footsteps I am filled with three different emotions all at the same time.....
 

Raksha Bandhan - Part 5

You might have watched in movies how a poor hero will become super rich in one song...Honestly that's how my wedding took place within 2 weeks. As usual they matched horoscopes and when they had to find a date for engagement n wedding either the wedding should happen in 2 weeks or we got to wait another 8 months. I was OK to wait...thought to have a sweet courtship days...But Maddy was so keen for within 2 weeks.. I was thrilled seeing him desperate...but mom n dad were under tremendous pressure...thanks to my dear brother who gave them all support.

Trust me in those 2 weeks I could hardly talk to Maddy...I had to do shopping , invite friends, apply leave , pack stuff as after wedding 2 weeks we will be in Banglore and nothing decided on what to do after ...My sensible brother did tell me to discuss with Maddy about it but I wanted to postpone that discussion. So with all due hectic work the marriage is done and we were now sitting in train going to Banglore.

Generally I prefer sitting in window seat and reading a book in train. Pranav used to irritate me but it was fun. This time mom dad n Pranav were sitting opposite to me. I was sitting next to window and Maddy was sitting next to me and was busily chatting with his mom who sat next to him. I was kind of feeling very lonely .. Going to a new place and I suddenly felt like a stranger to my own family.. Mom and dad looked very tired..the two weeks had taken its toll on them...I felt like crying..I saw Pranav who was looking at me with a caring look.. I managed to smile ...
Madan... Yar come let's go to the food cabin and get some hot elaichi tea... Shalu loves it .. He winked :-)
My Mil reacted first.. My son don't like coffee or tea...
Pranav expected Maddy to say something but he smiled and nodded to his mom..
I started getting more worried... Have I put myself in trouble..But thankfully Maddy put his arms around me and said let me taste the chai for Shalu likes it ...
Come Pranav let's go get it.. Uncle , Aunty will u have some as well...
I felt relieved :-)
My dear queen Shalu.. U also come to buy ... Coz we need helping hands..
More than me Pranav looked happy :-)
Finally we reached Banglore and I stepped into the new house which would become my home!!!!

Raksha Bandhan - Part 4

There were tears in my eyes...OMG it was just a dream..well no nightmare I would say...I couldn't sleep properly and was indeed very nervous.
Now read what I said before everything happened in a same way...we were waiting for more than 15 minutes and they finally arrived. Oh no indeed he looked very very handsome ... He gave me a smile and became busy chatting with Pranav...I liked it and his mom My god she was looking at me so intensely like I felt as if she is peeling me with her eyes. Oh God is it a rule that you may not like your MIL at the first sight.Finally they let me and Madhan ( after yesterdays nightmare dont want to call him Maddy) to speak and gave some time on our own.
He said hey Shalu .. Hope it's ok to call u like that. I want to tell you something serious.
I felt like a replay and merely nodded...
He continued I don't know why when I saw you at Arjun's place I was like you know dumbfounded. I am actually bit reserved .. Don't know how to live life :-) you were amazing... So happily chatting with everyone ... Pulling everyone... Playing with kids... Serving food... Taking care of elders...being with groom... Dancing beautifully... U were like everywhere at the same time ... Really Great...I just fell in love with it and I hope you will teach me to live my life being with me... But only if you want to...
From the time am here you were like nervous or looked tensed ... Are you ok... U don't like me????
I blushed... Immediately I told him about the dream and all that tension I had.. Oh no am really a chatter box...
But he made me feel comfy...
Pranav.. Sorry to disturb but it's been an hour now and may be you guys can continue later..
We smiled and without forgetting exchanged our numbers. I saved it as Maddy :-)

Being Mom

Being mom - A working mom
It feels blessed lying next to my daughter and seeing her having a peaceful sleep cuddling me. If being a mom is blessing being a working mom ... Am not sure if it is a blessing. You feel guilty if you don't spend required time with the kids. Indeed being a working mom is quite challenging...
There is a clash between an important meeting at work and a informal meeting at school. I wouldn't really want to miss anything at my daughter school but then when u go late you get to face your boss's wrath :-)
Apart from that there are quite a number of stuff to send on time. Then comes another biggest challenge of what to pack for lunch. Is it healthy... Is it tasty...will she like it..
And then comes the homework... By the time you reach home n fresh up and feed dinner n have dinner it is 9 pm and the kid is toooo sleepy. You then start doing homework then really it ends up being stressful..
So how to make it less stressful...
1.cook only once better in the morning so when u return home you can spend whatever energy left on kids
2.Keep uniform , lunch box and all school stuff ( including socks) ready the previous night
3.No matter what see the school bag the first thing u go home to see what homework or instructions are there so you can plan your time
4.Better to avoid TV and better to talk to them and find what's happening in school
5.Make friendship with her friends moms. This would become blessing.. I couldn't do it still coz of work timings
6.Better to be a member of school parent club so you get first hand information
7. Make sure the kid sleeps by 9 so you have an hour to prepare for next day
8. Take enough rest in bus/train when you commute ..thats ur me time
9.Make sure to sleep 8 hours
10.better to have an hourly plan for working days.
So all the best to all those working moms !!!!

Raksha Bandhan - Part 3

Well..the D day is tomorrow...Am going to see Maddy... Not really sure what exactly am feeling...it's a complete mixture of nervousness, excitement and anxiety... 3 in 1...

Shalu... Come and select one...that's my amma.. She seemed to be more worried than me..she had kept 10 different sarees with jewellery set...
Shaluma...choose what you want to wear tomorrow...
Amma...please no sarees u know very well I feel uncomfortable...already am kind of feeling uncomfy abt the whole thing ..
Shalu ... U have to wear saree... U will look good...listen to me da
Even before I could protest Pranav came home... Mom... Urgent filter coffee pl..
He looked at me and laughed what is all this exhibition....have you decided to scare the poor soul...
Come on da Anna ... As if I want to!!!
Ok listen put all these things away...wear the same salwar that you wore on that wedding...
Brilliant !!!!! I think that's better...
Pranav smiled at me... Hey Shalu don't worry too much :-)
Now I felt better too..
Dei Pranav... Can I ask u something..
What da...
Why r u being so nice to me suddenly... R u ok?? Its boring without fighting with u...
He smiled and touched my hair ..Shalu..Madhan is in Banglore... I guess I have already started missing u.. So don't want to fight...but of course I love fighting with u too
He left gulping the coffee that mom gave but then even I felt that strange ache in the heart...
Time ticked away quite fast... We were waiting in the temple for Maddy's family...for a change even Pranav Was dressed decently...after around 15 minutes when Pranav was visibly getting irritated they came and I saw him .... Is this what u call dumbfounded!!! He was looking verrrryyyyyyyy handsome much much better than what he looked in pic ... Honestly even better than how Karthi( u know the movie actor Surya's bro!!!)...Pranav murmured to me.. Hello.... Close your mouth!!!
After basic exchange the elders ha ha I am including Pranav in the list asked me n Maddy to go around the temple and talk to each other!!!!
Honestly I felt very shy... Me n my Maddy started to go around the temple all in silence... I thought he will speak but he was also quite... Or may be is he shy or did he not like me... Various thoughts revolved around me...
Then he said Hi Shalini... I said you can call me Shalu.. People close to me call me like that... The minute I said that I felt embarrassed OMG what would he think of me!!!!
He smiled n said first of all I am very sorry!!!!
And I need to talk to you seriously!!!
My god is he another version of Pranav...
I said am listening...
Ok he said.. See there has been a confusion... I saw a girl in red dress in Arjun's wedding... And my parents misunderstood that it was you.. When they told me they have spoken to the girls parents and have arranged a meeting I didn't even ask them your name or even your photo... I was so excited I thought I should personally talk to her after this meeting...only after I saw you here I realised they made a mistake.. It was really a love at first sight.. Hope u understand ... I am really sorry!!!!
I can't even put it in words how ashamed I felt... I had almost imagined this stranger in front of me as mine...I broke down and with tears literally ran towards my big brother Pranav who was looking at me from far...

Raksha Bandhan - Part 2

Madhan... Well name sounds ok...May be I can give a pet name Madu...yuck sounds more feminine... Well ya I can call him Maddy...like my fav hero...
His looks..Actually ya he looks good...like boy next door...like u know surya,s brother..the minute u look at him u feel protective of him...so not bad looking at the pic I kind of liked him..well when it comes to my looks I guess God got confused whether I should be made beauty or beast and made me in between..a very plain looking ... My only forte is my enthusiasm n my brains which is inside..and so u can not like me by just looking at me.. U need to talk to me..
Wait a sec.. Oh my God which pic of mine did amma gave to Madhan.. Oh God rejection is on itself a pain and to be rejected by this so called Madhan for a reason which is totally not under my control my looks sounded so cruel...
Ammmmaaaaa!!!!! I screamed which pic of mine u gave to the guy....
Even before my mom could say something Pranav intervened....
Amma.. She is right...Even am worried now... What would happen if Madhan is weak hearted!!! What I'd he gets scared or if he gets depression... Oh no!!!!!
Deiiiiiii Anna !!!! I wish I could use all bad words on Pranav but that could wait now....
Amma!!!! Tell please...
By then Pranav literally pulled my hand and took me to my room...
Hey Nutcase sis ... Listen now..Madhan had seen you in our cousins wedding ... He got impressed with your over enthu talking , dancing and sense of humour... I guess he didn't realise that it was not sense of humour but you actually are mad ;-)...
I was surprised!!! What !!! Are you really telling the truth???
Yes my dear Shailu :-)
By then I felt good about myself... It feels nice when someone unknown to you starts liking u :-) and I guess I started liking my Maddy more :-)
Now stop blushing ... Smiled my brother!!!
For a change I need to talk to you seriously ...
Now I was more surprised... In my entire life time Pranav had spoken something serious only twice.. First time when he had to console me for not getting Engineering and second time when he made me do MCA regular course...So this is the third time and for a change I listened to him..
He put his hands around me in a very protective way and started telling me .. Shalu ... See don't get into emotions like waw he loves me and I like him and all that... U r going to complete MCA this year.. U have already got a Job thru placement.. So think well.., talk to the guy and his parents and only if you like him and his family we will proceed.. See tomorrow evening they are coming to temple and we too will go there so you both can meet and we can meet his family ... Mom n dad might hurry things up but remember jokes apart ur brother is always forever there for you... So I will support you in every step of your life and I don't Want my Sis to worry for anything ok... He gave me a hug and left...
I guess I even saw some tears in his eyes...I felt like a little girl holding on to her big brother... There were tears even in my eyes ...
Wow :-) I could never be more happy .. First came to know my Maddy likes me... Oh God what's happening I guess am already falling in love with him and second ... My brother Pranav his care and love ...I never realised he cared so much... And there is so much love hidden beneath all those fights :-)....
My girl friend Shalu will u even bother to show me ur Madhan photo ... Am already jealous of him ... That's my granddad...
Smiling I went near him thinking why need a sis when you have such a loving brother :-)
To be continued...

Raksha Bandhan - Part 1

Dei..Anna...Wake Up Where is my gift. I was screaming on top of my voice and literally was jumping on my still sleeping brother. I know he will wake up scream, scold and definitely going to punch me.

Well before I go on, let me take a break and give you a brief note about me and my family. I am Shalini (everyone calls me shalu) doing my final year MCA and already got a job through placement.And have one brother Pranav three years elder to me working in IT. Mom Lakshmi house wife and dad Raghu working in central government and my grand dad who pampers me the most. My day always starts with a small or big fight with my brother , a minimum of two to three curses from mom, angry look from my dad and a loving hug and support from my grand dad. So far life has been smooth and well when you get so much love and affection at home why do you have to search for love outside so..no love no boy friends..Thats me..Today is Raksha Bandhan a big event at my home since my mom also got three brothers and me got Pranav to Bug :-). So am late already let me go and trouble him.

Pranav!!!!!!!!! WAKE UP...WHERE IS MY GIFT!!!!! (For last 22 years I dont know how he manages to give me a Rakhi gift which I absolutely would not like). Let me see today. I too have made a Rakhi with big rose flower and yellow thread..Impossible for him to wear and go to work ;-). Dei Pranav Wake up wake up where is my gift.

Hey Shalu!!! you woke up

..first tie me Rakhi dear then I will gift you.

For a second I was shocked. Is that Pranav talking like that. Is he okay? Before I could recover from the shock..it was my mom.

Pranav..What happened why are you scolding Shalu even today. Shaluma..what happened da..

Hey Shalu. You woke up. Lakshmi first you go and bring nice filter coffee for her...Shalu ma..go da..first you brush, have coffee take bath and then tie Rakhi for your brother. Pranav..you also get ready fast how long you will make Shalu wait for you.

I think am going to faint now. Whats wrong with everyone.

Pranav!!!! I called my brother.

Yes da Shalu. what happened?

Pranav...Am I going to die of brain tumor or any cancer or anything.

Stupid Shalu. Shut up. Why are you blabbering such things on a good day.

Then..Whats wrong why are you all behaving like so different to me.

Shalu Nothing like that..I have a surprise for you. First you tie me Rakhi.

Finally after prayers all my uncles also had come. Mom tied Rakhi for her brothers(my uncles). Everyone were happy and I did tie the big pink ugly Rakhi to my brother Pranav..and he said thanks..!!!! Thanks!!! whats wrong with him..then I told him..okay I never expected such Gandhian expression from you. I removed that big pink Rakhi and tied the good one I had actually got for him.

He smiled and said okay now ..this is my gift for you..Come out..

I cant believe my eyes..It was the scooty I was asking dad for long...

Wow!!!!!!!! I cant believe this...

Pranav smiled and said..Compensation for last 22 years of bad gifts :-).

I couldnt control my excitement and started to college forgetting the morning events.

The answer to the suspense came within 2 days. It was Mom who broke the news to me. Shaluma..we have seen a groom for you. He is also working for IT and very soft natured. His family also is good. He is the only son.

Mom!! Does he have a name..

Oops..sorry he is Madhan..I will bring his photo to you. They are coming to see you tomorrow. No compulsion. You see the guy and if you like him then we will proceed.

Mom left me in my room alone with the photo of this guy called Madan. I wish I had a sister. To be continued.

Those small acts of kindness

Those small acts of kindness     Amidst the crowd   Ur caring eyes Always Tells me   I am there for you When I panic   When I get lost When I lose hope   U r there to hold Be it busy mornings  Or those lazy lunch break Be it freezing cold   U reserve " had ur food" words for me When it rains or shines   Or cold or hot Time loses priority   U do anything for me The caring look, The concern u pour, The smiles we share, Those small acts of kindness, Adds big life to those passing days

F1

Well definitely not about F1 race. F1 - Help..which also as a short key has become short.The best happiness lies in helping someone may be a stranger who is in need. Day before when I was walking towards home saw a old man carrying so many bags in the signal.Thought I will help him in carrying those bags. But now the world has become such a place that even if you offer help people might doubt you..what if she ran away with my bag :-). But somehow he accepted. He said he is going to Faith clinic which is opposite to my house. He said he is 80 and his vision is getting dim each passing day. He was having trouble conversing in English and started to tell something in chinese which I literally didnt understood. We reached the clininc and after he registred I wanted to go home. The clinic was full and am sure it would take anouther 1 and half hour. Its already late and my 3 year old will be waiting for me at home. My heart was requesting me to stay there and take the old man back but I couldnt do it because Anannaya will be waiting for me. And no charge in my mobile to call and tell home that i will be late. I told in the counter about the old man. She gave me a strange look and said she will take care. I told bye to him. He smiled and said thank you dear.

But somehow I felt incomplete. It felt bad that I couldnt do much to help him and may be like him so many people whom I could never help.Not only to strangers even some time to close relatives and bestest friends because of our situation we are not able to help and it feels worse. What is the poin of life if you cant help who are close to our heart. Really hate those kind of situations which in the end makes you feel awful..and which even kind of strains the relationship.

I once was talking to my uncle when I was really down because of this and was like about to cry that I am not a good friend am not able to help them and whatever I do to help is like peanuts when compared to what others are doing. I was telling that it feels like am giving lame excuses.

Then he told me a small story. When Rama wanted to cross lanka he wanted to build a bridge and the huge vanara seva was there helping him to construct the bridge. There was a little squirrel who wanted to help too but couldnt help because of its size. When it carried some sand to fill in the stones the monkeys there scolded him saying he is actually disturbing instead of helping :-). Its like stay away thats the best help you could offer.

The squirrel felt sad and then Rama who observed it took the squirrel in hand and told the monkeys that..how muchever stones you put in..in between there is a gap which gets filled by the sand the squirrel brings in. So never degrade anyone who comes to help by putting their heart into it. Then he carressed the squirrle and thats how squirrels got those three lines which are actually Ramas fingers.

Well It did help to lift my mood up. Ya sometimes life puts us in very different circumstances and people that..we are not able to do what our heart says. Kind of tied up situation. But I guess I should always try to follow what my heart says if it doesnt hurt people around.

Help Ever. Hurt Never.

Relaxed....

The last one week was like roller coaster ride. Fever up...Fever Down..n No Sleep...Just Tired...But from Friday eve..it was different..Friday around 8:30 I came down and was waiting for cab..No cab..so started walking and it was drizzling with a cool breeze..But somehow didnt feel like walking alone so I went back to office called a cab and took cab home..And then great time started..

When I went home my daughter had already finished her dinner and was still playing. I took bath came out and had hot dinner..reading a novel..AFter I finished my dinner..my darling princess wanted to watch krishna CD with me.So I was lying down in the sofa along with her...she watching Krishna and me reading novel..wow..for a change without disturbance. Around 11 she slept and I was still reading..I finished the book around 12:30..it was still raining and I went to sleep.

It was like college and pre marriage days..where I open a novel..and i will be in a different world till I close it. But after marriage..you cant afford that..so many times you will have to close the book to cook or to answer your hubby and after kids..well..they become our priority.

So I really felt good that I was able to complete..it..and then went to sleep..I woke up at around 7:30..but still wanted to sleep..so I just hugged my daughter and went to sleep again..Cant believe my luck that..she was still sleeping..Finally I woke up around 9:50 am..thats again a lottery :-) and i was so relaxed..and she woke up around 10:15
Then I made my fav dosa..a new variety of dosa..had it..and had tea..and again lucky..my daughter insisted that she will eat on her own..and she did too.

It was 11 then..and had to go to shop to buy water purifier..So we left to the shop..and got some tempted seeing Harry potter poster..and never imagined we would get tickets..we just walked to the theater..to see if we will get tickets and again.it was 11:45 and tickets were availabel for 11.50...so we got it..and went and watched the movie..

Back home around 3:30.had food..and went to sleep..and woke up at 7:00 pm :-) Again dinner session and around 9:30 there was a tamil movie kullanari kootam..never expected seeing the name that it would be a okay movie..but it was a nice clean movie..

So over all a great day..went to sleep at 12:30 and just woke up..and am blogging..;-)

Hope the day continues this way..but lots of work to do(Office pending stuff)...Let me clear it..off.now.

Have a nice day everyone.

Where did Every one go?

Monday started with no blues and with full of life. No morning tensions at home. Reached office on time ;-) and started work. EVerything seemed so perfect. But then..now a days..getting into off mood is the easiest thing that occurs so naturally to me. So evening dont know what triggered my mood off..but the minute I was in a bad mood, I attracted things which could spoil my mood even worse.

So suddenly in the evening..i felt desperately lonely...needed a shoulder to cry on..and ofcourse didnt want to hear any advises. And then I thought I will call home..My home number..guess my daughter did not keep the receiver properly so not reachable. Then I called my college friends. .you dont have to keep in touch with them but still can catch up with good old times whenever you call them. For a change..everyones number I had..and every ones mobile was ringing..no one picked up...Whats wrong..

Then I called up my uncle..thinking may be i could talk to him to change my mood..but same story...phone ringing no one picking up..

Finally I called up my cousin....who was very busy and asked me to call tomorrow..And after I disconnected I felt very lonely..but by then I reached home.

And when I entered there my princess..she was standing and telling some story to her aunty :-). She was holding a small dog (ofcourse toy..she is like me..in getting scared of dogs and cats) and telling her aunty..Aunty you mix milk for the doggy..what the dog name i kept.i forgot..ya ya timmy..you mix milk put three full spoons of pediasure okay..mix properly okay otherwise timmy will not drink...and then seeing the expression of her aunty...she turned back to see me..and came running and gave a hug ammmmma...you are home..see ammma..timmy not drinking milk..what do now? Seeing her face full of innocence...and the way a three year old speaks..it just filled the heart with happiness..

So what did I say..mood off..who got mood off...

By the way..where did everyone go..Was it some earth hour or something yesterday that everyone decided not to pick up their call????!!!!

I AM TIRED..

Someone Asked..Hey Are You Ok?
And I replied..Yes I am OK. Just TIRED..little bit...

So What I meant is..I am
Torn apart,Insecured,Really Faking my smile,Extremely Sad and Drowning in my own tears..

And if you ask me Why...I would reply..I really dont know.

Actually physical activities make you tired but then the recovery from that tiredness could just be a good rest..a good sleep..you wake up and you are perfectly fine and even active..

But its the state of our mind which keeps us active or tired. When you do something you really love to do..or enjoy doing it with people whom you love to be with...then any kind of activity may never make you tired.

But at the sametime if you are stressed out..I dont know..how all kinds of problems gets a hint that one person is stressed out , so lets go visit him and reaches us as quick as possible and wait in queue to say a hello to us. And it adds more stress to decide which one of the problems to address first.

Sometimes we always keep expecting more from some people in our lives probably because we also would do them more. Sometimes certain situations comes up which puts you in a totally helpless state and all you can give the other person is some excuse. Sometimes in life we dont know what is the right thing to do and end up doing something which might lead to a big change.

Whenver we do any plan using our brain..especially in my case with the limited access I have with my brain..we tend to forget to have a mitigation plan because of the interupption or risk to our plan caused by our heart.

Wow.How can someone blabber so much early in the morning...

Well Like I said..I AM TIRED..really...

At some point of time when you are very very tired..probably it might lead to a state of mind where you dont care about anything..anyone..and start losing your cool and start yelling at people for no reason..which I just did... Thankfully got back to my senses in few minutes...and had the courage to call that person back and tell sorry too.

So well..now am in a great mood..and you can talk to me at your own risk :-).

My Dear Ammamma.

Life sometime becomes too hectic that we forget what we are looking for, what is the priority and infact at times to some extent that the mere purpose of living is forgotten. April 29th 2010. That is the last time I spoke to my ammamma..and I lost Ammamma the same day last year.Actually that incident is something which reminds me of what difference one day coul'd make.
I spoke to her and supposed to meet her the next day and unfortunately couldnt meet her.

Ammamma...Every time I think about her, I still feel her presence.The last time I had seen her was in November in 2009. Though her birthday was on 18th of November, still we celebrated it when I was in chennai. She was still carrying her camera and taking photos of us. She did cake cutting and fed all of us. After that we all had dinner together. I sat with her. Anannya also was there with me. It just kind of still feel as if it had happened yesterday.


Throughout my days in Desur, she was with me. We were more friends than a grand daughter - mom relationship. I was able to share with her everything..every fear , every hope and every dream. Really now if I sit back and think I had never realized how much she had been a close friend rather than my granny. She was an amazing cook. With literally very little kind of things available she could cook great and yummy dishes. Not only patience but also she was equally bold. Very Bold.
She was taking tuition classess in Desur. If there had not been an accident, we would have probably stayed together for even more time. One small accident, I became adamant of sending her back to Chennai. Literally she sacrificed her tutitions which was actually her passion..just to be with me to guide me and to support me in joining SBI. The life there was actually simple. How many nights we would have had our dinner in terrace. How many nights we would have spent sitting in terrace and talking to each other endlessly. How many stories she would have told me sitting in the terrace. About her life, about her past and also about epics..so much of minute details she could fill in from Mahabarath, Ramayana and Bhagavatham. Really it was a golden period of my life which I never realized.

Yes...sometimes we understand the value of certain moments after its ended and after realizing that it will never happen again. And that is how it feels about Ammamma. She is really really great. She was always confident and very bold. Self respect matters a lot. I am missing you a lot Ammamma.

Wish I could spend some more time with you.Wish atleast once I could have brought you to singapore.

Right now ammamma wish you were near me..so I could talk to you..from my heart.

Ammamma..Right now..

She goes through each day, With a smile on her face
She holds herself well, With much poise and grace
She laughs and she smiles, She seems so happy and free
But deep deep inside, There’s something no one can see
When you look at her you think, She has must have everything
But you’ll never know, The song she must sing
Its one filled with grief, Lonely and sad
You cant see the loss, The horrid experiences she had
So while you see laughter, When you look into her eyes
Its just her way to hide, All the tears she has cried
She goes through the same, Time after time
She watches everyone’s happy ending, Wondering where’s mine


I am in tears now ammamma..thinking of you..missing you and needing you.

The Cup Of Pride

It was one of those WOW Moments. Eyes were glued to the television and the heart skipped a beat when Dhoni played the perfect captains knock and hit the ball to SIX and wow...India won the World cup after the long wait of 28 years..:-). The Golden Moment :-):-):-) Cant put enough smileys....

It was not only a perfect gift for we the Indians but indeed the most deserving gift to Sachin who has been waiting for this since 1992.

This time right from quarters it was all a tough match. The quarter finals with Australia...Semis with Pakistan which almost was like world cup final and then came the final with Srilanka. When India lost the toss...ooooppsssss...it felt awful and almost took half the confidence away. But when Srilanka made a score of 275 it still gave some hope..Hope that now still we have a chance to win.

Actually this time we had some friends at home..and we had called our friends to see the India - Pakistan Match => The semis. As everyone is aware this match meant more than the finals at that moment. And wow...it was an amazing performance from our bowlers and we won. So we wanted to make sure that the luck works..and so the same gang of people sat together for the finals. One side our kids were shouting hurray..out and all kinds..and other side we were all fighting. In the semis..one of our friends..used to get some production support call and whenever he went out getting a call Pakistan was losing a wicket..and so we tried the same for finals..but it didnt work..and the luck was bad for me..whenever I was sitting in front of TV India was losing the wicket..so i almost was sitting alone in my bedroom and was checking scores in i phone..whenever out of curiosity i came out..we lost Tendulkar,Virat kohli and then..finally when Dhoni and Gambhir was playing..i thought its okay to come and see..but the minute i came out..Gambhir was gone..i still feel guilty as if he missed his century becoz of me ;-).
Finally I came out only for Dhonis six :-).

Though there is lots to write about Tendulkar, Yuvraj, Zaheer khan, Harbajan and everyone who are part of the team my heart indeed keeps replaying Dhonis six. He has been a wonderful captain and especially in the match that was full of pressure..and with lots of expectations all over, a stadium full of crowd waiting for the golden moment...he handled it in a great manner.

A good leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way..and that was Dhoni..:-)

Really hats off to Dhoni and his team for giving India the long awaited Cup of Pride.

Jai Hind.

I love you.

Its the small things that actually fill the heart with bliss. We keep worrying about all big things that we forget to enjoy all those small moments.

Today I was playing with my daughter and then I was trying to put her to sleep. But my mind was totally pre occupied with work. I was just thinking so deeply on how to do and what to do and when to do on work related items. Though I was there physically with my daughter my mind was not there. Then she asked me to sing for her.Well no one except my daughter has the courage to ask me to sing and listen to my songs also :-).

Then I started humming songs for her still all the way thinking about work, work and work. And after sometime I was like losing patience also. When she would sleep and when I can login? Then while I was still singing..she suddenly said..
Amma..I love you.

Wow. That was worth more than anything in life. Suddenly life felt blessed. It felt like those words suddenly brought me back to the present. Oops. I already spend very little time with her and even during that time If my mind is occupied with something else..its an injustice :-(.

How nice it is if we learn to and able to live each and every moment and enjoy that very moment. Easily said than done. So well my darling princess indeed made my day with a sudden surprise of those words and it really felt so nice.
Now I put her to sleep...till that time I spent quality time with her. And then logged back..to work..but at the same time wanted to log it in my blog as well.

All that matters is simple moments, love, care, understanding...and then..life is bliss. Well its just a matter for 2 weeks for valentines day as well.
So tell your loved ones..that you love them and mean it...it makes wonders to those who love you.

Love All;Serve All;

And its okay to say I LOVE YOU as many times as you want as long as you mean it. No one gets bored to hear it ..alteast women dont get bored to hear that they are being loved :-).

Anannyas Sports Day

After long time A sports day. For a change not as a student or a participant but as a parent. It was really indeed one of the most wonderful days of our life.
And it was so nostalgic and I was actually thinking of my dad.

The day started at around 6:30 am. I woke up and was admiring my daughter for sometime and then saw the time it was 6:45 . Oops..8 am her bus will come. And then came the shock...Her shoes :-). Any important day in my life will always start with some shock and there it was. Her shoes were literally wet...dripping with water since our maid washed it. And then no choice..her dad had to literally drive to Mustafa as fast as possible to buy new shoes. well her first sports day cant take any chances :-). And that reminded me of my dad..how many events..and how many times he would have gone to shops or to friends house for getting all those which we forget in the last minute.

Then Anannya was also as excited as me for her sports day and without troubling much she was ready by 8. Her bus and her dad came at the same time and fastet fingers first..I put her shoes in that speed when she was in the school bus. And then started my princess.

And then we went to GIIS stadium. It was kinder garden sports day. Kids in yellow,blue and red sports uniform. The stadium looked so colorful as if we were standing in a butterfly garden. It was really such a wonderful sight. And it was cloudy..everyone there worried if it would rain but thanks to Rain God. It was cloudy and a good weather with no rain. A perfect sports day and a perfect start.

Small kids did march past which was a feast to the eyes. Those little kids with little steps. And then started the colour ful sports event with KG childern doing gymnastics..Wow!!!!

Then there was race...It was lovely watching Anannya running taking a stuffed toy and putting the toy back in a basket. And the wonderful thing is prizes were awarded to each participants. No Differentiation. Each one won a medal with a smile in their faces.

And then there was race for paretns. 400m running for fathers. I just couldnt stop laughing seeing the dads run. Most of them were like jogging. And then there was a race for mothers which was lucky round race. Anyways only Anannya got a medal :-).

It was a gala event and watching sports day as a parent is indeed a different kind of feeling. And there were proud moments to see our small darling daughter doing march past, participating in race and getting a medal. Just Amazing and brought in lots of nostalgia too :-).

Muje Rula diya woh...

The last three days.

After a really tiring day reached home on Thursday night hoping that a hug from my little princess will make everything okay. But she was down with fever and rash. I literally rushed to the opposite clinic and they asked me to take her to KK children hospital.The irony is that..its in Emergency section that it takes so much time to see the doctor. I was not able to carry her because in any way I carry she was feeling discomfort. I really missed the presence of my hubby.

Generally if my daughter is unwell he will be the cool head one trying to play with her and make her cheerful when all I do is to hug her and feel worried to death. I was trying really hard to keep my cool and trying to cheer her up. Finally after seeing the doc at around 11:15 I reached home at 11:45 with her. There were my friends who called me and gave me all the support.

As if the problem was not enough I started feeling really giddy in the cab. Probably because of the tiredness and since I kind of was fasting the whole day. I really dont know how I managed to reach home. Thank God.

These three days kind of have given me the realization of how much it is important for us to be healthy so that we can take care of our family. Its all a wrong timing that at the same time I had also got fever and I didnt know whether it might go to her.

The first week 2011

New Year indeed started with Wow!!! The count down and fire works at Marina bay was a feast for eyes. Our cousin also joined us and Anannya also enjoyed it. But after the day dawned wow..it already feels as if a year had passed by. So many things in just one week that I didnt find time to do any of the activities I had planned as part of New Year Resolutions.

One good thing is about our daughter having joined the Indian school (To write about it I definitely need a seperate post otherwise I wouldnt be doing justice to it) and the value add it had given is now no choice have to wake up early. So the last few days the moring reminds me of my school days...were my mom used to wake up early put rangoli take bath do pooja and when she wakes me up she would be fresh and the house will be filled with the aroma of incense sticks and some devotional song. Now our mornings are like the same and am blessed that my daughter is so eager to go to the new school that she didnt trouble much about brushing her teeth taking bath and eating breakfast. And I too feel really blessed now I have a chance again to do all these things myself. The joy of doing all this to our kid as a mom is indeed a bliss.

Apart from that the rest of my days so far was too much occupied with things happening at work. Mostly work related stress, I avoid carrying it home not to mess with the very few hours of am getting with my daughter and with my hubby. But somehow things at work is the only thing my mind is always pre-occupied with. Thinking about it again and again..replaying it again and again and again.

There is a saying..You dont have to always wait to learn from your mistakes, sometimes you can learn it from others mistakes as well. And I fall into the category where I dont learn from my mistakes itself. Well as long as you keep thinking with heart this problem will never get resolved and the lesson is never going to be learnt.

In the end there is one life and what comes as the priority is purely an individuals choice...Wow its so easy to write this. But with practical problems and in reality how difficult it is to follow it and to decide on our priority. At times the items that are least priority becomes a number 1 priority to us and we cant do much about it.


So ....New Year..New Beginning But Same Old Stories...!!!

What cannot be cured must be endured???!!!!