Ammamma, How come time flies so fast..Its already a week since you left me..left us...
Life seems to have come back to a normal phase...Wake up , get ready, get Anannya ready...go to work..work...take tea break..take lunch break..smile with friends..come home...etc..etc...
But still...always there is a pain inside..Am guilty and I can never come out of it...I had a choice of coming and seeing you..of coming and taking you to hospital..which I never did...Now any amount of tears or ache will not bring back the moment..It just seems like only hours since I spoke to you..Your voice..keep ringing in my ears...When am writing this..I am already blind with tears..Will you ever be reading this..Did you read the letter I sent with amma...
You know ammamma..am not able to sit alone..even for a minute without feeling the pain of missing you..So am always being with people..Even at work, if I have to sit alone and work am not able to do that..am calling people or simply joining conference call..When I wake up the first thing in morning am missing you..I am thinking of the days we spent in Desur...
Then my routine starts..but every 10 minutes there is a thought of you..you sittng with me and teaching me how to do knitting...You taking hindi tutions..we both correcting hindi papers..
You doing the gardening....You teaching me to cook..You who taugh me how to play chess..
The you who when I got tired and couldnt complete the kniting took it and completed...You who taught me to do embroidery..The You who taught me to do painting..You...with whom I walked miles in chennai..in kotturpuram..nandanam...and where not..It just seems likeyeserda..when I came with you in my ninth month of pregnancy to send you in auto...
You holding my hands when I was in labour pain.
You holding Anannya and blessing her..
You who gave me the moral support whenever I needed it..
You who always show meyour poems and drawings and jokes...
I am not able to share this with anyone ammamma.
In the end I couldnt do anythng for you..when I could have done it.
Will I ever forgive myself.\
I miss you..miss you a lot...and I am feeling very guilty..
Its becoz of my carelessness..
Miss you Ammamma.
1 comment:
Anitha, About Malathy miss, Its a huge loss and I dont have words that could give you comfort.
But be strong. Its not your fault and you havent done any mistake. Come out of the guilty feeling.
You tried all you could and ya one day made the difference but still it was destiny. Dont hurt yourself so much. i know you wouldnt talk about it but keep it in your heart. Know you. take care.
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