Oops

Oops. Today was really a mess. I really dont know why I was so toungue tied after all to run a call with my own team. Did I do that? I really dont understand where did all the courage go? I feel like a stranger to myself as if I dont know me. Its like did I ever had any confidence in life. Always there is a doubt of what if am wrong or I dont even realize what is that that has taken the confidence in me. Probably at times when you have to be submissive at certain places may be that brings a impact to the person who you are.Or probably when you hear some negative comments most of the times about you then you tend to believe that and become pessimistic about yourself. I dont know what is it.And especially the worst thing is when you fail someones trust on you. Right now I am feeling totally low and hope by morning I get back to the me I were from the me I am.

A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A WASTED DAY!!

Manager asked sardar at an interview. Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? Sardar replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner? Wife: No! Why? Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
One tourist from U.. S.A. asked Sardar: Any great man born in this village??? Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanti So Sardar writes, "Gandhi ji was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanti
When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted the mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit behind. I will drive.

Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape? Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!

Sardar: My mobile bill how much? Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf.. Friend: How do u know? Sardar: I told her that I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife! Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world? Sardar: ZEBRA Teacher: How? Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company. Manager: Do U know MS Office? Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay " Air hostess said: "B silent." Sardar: "Ok... Ombay. Ombay"

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?" Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...! !!

Sardar: Miss, Did u call my mobile? Teacher: Me? No, why? Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call". (Had never thought of it)

MORE MOR-KALI.

Today early morning 5:00 am I was chatting with my cousin when she mentioned that she loves Morkali (I dont know how to spell this better, anyways she had spelled it morkali so am using the same :) ) and which is unusual. I replied her back saying that even I love morkali especially my mom made morkali and that is when we both decided that whe have to write something about morkali.
What is morkali.Morkali is a south indian dish. Its kind of like a upma but is made with rice flour and curd. It would be more tasty if the curd is sour. (Actually its a must that the curd is sour). Now the recipe is simple. Add curd to the mixture. And set it aside. Then do seasoning, add this mix and stir it till the whole mixture turns to brown and yummy kali is ready.Sounds so simple right :)
Now I dont know probably my mom adds more oil or whatever when she makes it it just tastes really yummy and there will be a big competition between me , my sis and my dad. And It just would taste heavenly and always would feel like its not enough.
So now after my marriage, I wanted to prepare this heavenly dish for Pavan. Now when I explained about this to Pavan, he was really scared. First thing is am already a great cook and he has to suffer my daily routine and if I am going to prepare something for the first time then you can imagine how much he should be afraid. On top of it he told me that he generally doesnt prefer to eat the kali kind of stuff. And finally out of the newly wed crush he one day offered to try it out.
So I started my ordeal. Well its so simple to do it. I just told him wait for 5 minutes and you are ready to try out the most heavenly and blissful dish. So all set, the mixture is done. And I lit the stove, put the pan , add oil , mustard seeds and red chilly..And then poured the mix in the stove and started to stir it. I was just hoping that it would turn brown soon but it doesnt. Well am I doing the right thing. So I called my mom and checked and she confirmed everything is as per I have done and asked me to have some patience. By the end of the discussion when I was going to kitchen,I could see the kali but well..how hard I try I was not able to remove the spoon from the dish. I switched off the stove and was trying with all my energy to remove the spoon from the dish. Otherwise it tasted just fine and yummy :). Then I called Pavan. He told me to wait till the dish gets bit cold. But I was telling him that mor kali tastes fine only when it is hot. He gave me you-still-have-the guts-to-ask-me-to-taste look and told me to wait. And then he tried and tried hard in vain.
Right time there was a ad in TV. Fevicolin balamana inaippu.. I mean Fevicol just sticks so strong that you can never remove it. And my husband started laughing. He was telling me that even If he manages to remove the spoon there is no way we can ever seperate the dish from the pan. Its like two souls united forever. I still dont understand what went wrong.And I had to disown my pan, the spoon and the mor-kali. Such a sad ending to a good start :(And I definitely could not wait for our maid to come and clean the pan because already it was so hard getting maids in Chennai and we both were pretty confident that if I let her see the pain and the kali that would probably be the last day she worked in our home. After that I never ever even dared to mention about mor-kali to Pavan but I had the longing of trying it again.
So next time I tried to make mor-kali is after around 4 years of my marriage at my moms place when I was pregnant. I then tried once when I was alone at home to save any further embarrasment. So this time I took very little of everything and started to make mor-kali. I just let my friend know that and she told me that however good I prepare I should not eat it as its a big risk for the baby inside. What if it gets stuck :). So this time thankfully it looked great and I really wanted to taste it but well why take chance during pregnancy. So my cousin (poor soul) unexpectedly came to see me in the wrong time.And I offered him. Well I prepared very little and definitely only one person can eat and he got the chance.
He told me that he dont want to eat anytihng but I told him that when a pregnant lady offers he should not be saying no and that am already having lots of mood swings and if he dont eat I will start crying :):):). So he managed to eat it and when he was eating he literally tried so hard in between so many times to tell me that it tastes good but he could not open his mouth as it was still sticky :). Finally after he finished eating he told me that I should thank god that I am pregnant :)and he never knew till that day that I had so much of hatred for him :) Well thats to the lighter side, actually he said it was good but I till date dont know if it really was good and thats the second and last time I tried mor-kali. After that I never got a chance but now..to think about it probably I will try to make it this weekend. Anyways I have one old pan which am thinking to get rid of. So do you want to come home this weekend to try mor-kali????

Marina - I miss you

{Warning - This is a badly written one...Not that my other scribblings are great. But this is written sometime back and is
incomplete..but I had been quite for quite a long time in my blog. So want to break the ice :) }
Marina Beach...It has been not just a part of my happy moments or a picnic spot but also a place which I would prefer to go
when I look for solace in solitude. As a kid going to beach is the best most lovable outing. The walk in the sand and to play
in the shore with the wild waves trying to drag us and we (Me and my sis ) holding on to our dad. I just love to play in
water. The thrill the excitement and the happiness are just cannot be expressed in words. And same way, whenever am hurt or
whenever I have to make a decision, Its been always Marina. Standing and feeling the waves that touch your feet there is a
serene beauty in that and that atmosphere has helped me to calm me.
Today I am very much in need of that. Miss you Marina. Today I am feeling sad a no reason stupid sadness. I am just thinking
how powerful words are. They have the tendency to break you apart completely. And how very powerful the relationships we make
in our life are. I think human lives are bound by these relationships. And Love and affection is something that cannot be
hidden how muchever we try and when there is no reciprocation for it, they just break the heart rip the soul apart from our
heart and in the end we feel alien to ourselves.
The unconditional love we get from our parents, the protective pampering love of grand parents,the friendship that blossoms
with our siblings and the friendship we make with our peers and those teachers who touched our lives, our colleagues,
superiors, neighbours, the train mate, the room mate, the just look and smile acquaintance and the cousin less friends more
kind o feveryone that come in our lives touch our lives in some way or other and when they leave us it changes us in someway
or other.
Everyones life is bound by so many relationships. Some relationships stay forever. A friend who touch your heart in a way that you wish to preserve that relationship forever.And there are some relationships that break just by one wrong word uttered then it just makes us lose the faith in relationships.At times it happens with our most understanding and close relationships. And if you think about it, it just leaves me with a
feeling that..how uncertain are any relationship that we form in our life. It makes you feel that there is no such thing
called forever. Its very difficult to see people who live their lives in such a way that they do not want to hurt anyone at
all with their actions.
Why am I drifting to a different world when I started about Marina. Well coming back..again as a kid when we used to go to
Marina with dad and mom the best things I love are the merry go rounds, making of sand castle and OFCOURSE PLAYING IN THE
WATER. And also I just would love to collect sea shells and buy the bajjis (oil dripping) and kucchi ice (ice cream stick)
there. But my dad will never allow to buy anything there becuase he was to the core protective of us. He would give reasons
that they are made of bad oil , impure water etc etc. Now thinking about it that time I used to feel so bad about it that he
is not buying them for me.. But now am sure I would not let my daughter too to go and eat those things there. First sign of
getting old may be :). And going to beach with friends or alone is impossible and not allowed. Now where is the fun if you
dont break rules :).
The first time I went to Marina alone is because of ammamma. Actually am a bit too emotional and sensitive kind of a person.And at times actually most of the times the person with whom am so close and so comfortable and become very emotionally
involved will leave me. I used to have lots of friends around always. But only with one or two I was really close.And the time when a friend becomes my best friend..is the time they would leave me also..either they would levae the school
or go to different state or whatever or I would leave to different place.So when I had to leave my college to join bank I was totally totally upset more importantly about missing my friend.And when I came back for holidays sometimes it does happen that out of sight out of mind with some. It felt really so bad that someone else had taken my place for my best friend. It might seem silly but it did hurt me a lot. And I was talking to ammamma and she told something about beach and I just left to Marina beach all alone. I was not doing anything. I was just sitting letting the waves to take away my sadness without thinking anything. And really i did feel relaxed. Well that is when I decided that I guess probably for the third time already that I would never get involved emotinally with any relationship and get hurt or get myself feel sad.And now after 10 years am still the same :) no change at all.
Well like wise I have been to Marina stealthily with friends and alone when I had to take a decision of quitting SBI and joining Covansys, When I had to convince my parents about my first onsite trip, when my grand ma expired, when my friends mom left her and wow so many times :) and it never failed me. Always when I return from the beach even if am not fully recovered it still does help to calm me down.
Well Today...I miss Marina. I am sure am not in a right state of mind right now. But I definitely have to write something just about Marina.