My Dear Ammamma.

Life sometime becomes too hectic that we forget what we are looking for, what is the priority and infact at times to some extent that the mere purpose of living is forgotten. April 29th 2010. That is the last time I spoke to my ammamma..and I lost Ammamma the same day last year.Actually that incident is something which reminds me of what difference one day coul'd make.
I spoke to her and supposed to meet her the next day and unfortunately couldnt meet her.

Ammamma...Every time I think about her, I still feel her presence.The last time I had seen her was in November in 2009. Though her birthday was on 18th of November, still we celebrated it when I was in chennai. She was still carrying her camera and taking photos of us. She did cake cutting and fed all of us. After that we all had dinner together. I sat with her. Anannya also was there with me. It just kind of still feel as if it had happened yesterday.


Throughout my days in Desur, she was with me. We were more friends than a grand daughter - mom relationship. I was able to share with her everything..every fear , every hope and every dream. Really now if I sit back and think I had never realized how much she had been a close friend rather than my granny. She was an amazing cook. With literally very little kind of things available she could cook great and yummy dishes. Not only patience but also she was equally bold. Very Bold.
She was taking tuition classess in Desur. If there had not been an accident, we would have probably stayed together for even more time. One small accident, I became adamant of sending her back to Chennai. Literally she sacrificed her tutitions which was actually her passion..just to be with me to guide me and to support me in joining SBI. The life there was actually simple. How many nights we would have had our dinner in terrace. How many nights we would have spent sitting in terrace and talking to each other endlessly. How many stories she would have told me sitting in the terrace. About her life, about her past and also about epics..so much of minute details she could fill in from Mahabarath, Ramayana and Bhagavatham. Really it was a golden period of my life which I never realized.

Yes...sometimes we understand the value of certain moments after its ended and after realizing that it will never happen again. And that is how it feels about Ammamma. She is really really great. She was always confident and very bold. Self respect matters a lot. I am missing you a lot Ammamma.

Wish I could spend some more time with you.Wish atleast once I could have brought you to singapore.

Right now ammamma wish you were near me..so I could talk to you..from my heart.

Ammamma..Right now..

She goes through each day, With a smile on her face
She holds herself well, With much poise and grace
She laughs and she smiles, She seems so happy and free
But deep deep inside, There’s something no one can see
When you look at her you think, She has must have everything
But you’ll never know, The song she must sing
Its one filled with grief, Lonely and sad
You cant see the loss, The horrid experiences she had
So while you see laughter, When you look into her eyes
Its just her way to hide, All the tears she has cried
She goes through the same, Time after time
She watches everyone’s happy ending, Wondering where’s mine


I am in tears now ammamma..thinking of you..missing you and needing you.