The longest road

Sometimes I just love to walk. The distance I feel like walking is not decided based on the kilo meters or miles but for me its totally dependent on the company I have. Ofcourse sometimes I do love to walk inthe company of solitude provided if am very happy or very sad.

The best company I ever had for walking was and is my hubby. I just love to hold his hands and walk aimlessly talking only sweet nothings. That is exactly how it was during our courtship days. Think nothing , Donothing, just enjoy each others presence. Every time we start holding hands and walk, I used to wonder how I had reached the destination so soon. And never ever I had the satisfaction. Always my heart would long for some more time with him. After marriage its still the same but onlydifference is now the sweet nothings has changed to serious manythings.Guess having responsibilities would sometimes change the precious moments to quite a bit serious moments. Now at times our walking would even end up in small misunderstandings.

Then comes my sis. She is my best companion and with her I could walk any miles. From childhood our topic of conversation never been sweet nothings. Its always a serious discussion but only thing is it is filled with loads and loads of laughter.Because whichever things that matters to her would seem funny to me and vice versa.so if anyone of us goes to the other with a problem, whether we get solution or not we sure would forget it for a while and have a clear mind after the walk.

Walking with friends is a blessing especially with best friends. You can blabber anything and be sure that you are not going to be judged. Thereis no expectations and no ego problems. I have a best friend and I could walk with him for miles and sure with smiles. And rain or shine, day or night its always nice to walk beside him talking about nothing in particular or some serious issues, whatever it is one thing that I could be sure is at the end of it I would always leave with a smile.Lucky for having such a good friend.

Then comes walking in solitude. I would enjoy it more if there is asmall drizzling or a big rain. Most of the time after a very happy moment I just love to walk. Mainly because to bring back every second of the moment once again in my memory and to enjoy the moment again and record it in my memory completely. Well the same goes for a sad moment too. Only thing is I just want to play it again and flush it completely once for all.

And most important of all is its better to absolutely walk alone than in a bad company. I once had to go with one of my acquaintance. Somehow we coudlnt share the same thoughts and absolute mismatch of wavelength. We would have walked together for the shortest distance but I felt asthough that was the longest road I ever travelled. Einsteins theory of relativity proved true!!!

Jab We Met...My friend

After loonnng time got a few spare time to watch a movie..Jab We Met..
Well with a year old kid around getting to watch a movie would be a miraculous event..
And as always I was able to watch this for the first few minutes...

But I just loved the few minutes I have watched this. Because the movie brought back the moments I had spend with one of my best friends.

Well but after marriage I dont know how much feasible it is to continue friendships. Especially if it happens to be between a guy and girl. But am one of the lucky few who has this blessing.
My hubby is a gem of a person who understands.

I still remember the note given bymy best friend for my hubby. It said
Before marriage I had one friend. And the friend got married and now I have two friends.

This is just a message for my best friend for being there very supportive all the time and for all the good times we had and going to have.

So here goes the famous lyrics dedication to my friend...

Lean on me my friend when you're not strong andI'll be your friend I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long till I'm gonna need Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride if I have things You need to borrow

For no one can fill those of your needs that you won't let show

Just call on me brother when you need a hand

We all need somebody to lean on

I just might have a problem that you'd understand

We all need somebody to lean on

Let me Lean on you when I'm not strong

And Be my friend and help me carry on

Tears

Tears=====
I was cleaning the kitchen and it was almost 11 in the night. After a really hot day suddenly when a cool breeze said an hello to me I was really surprised.I just went near the window and well it was no longer cool breeze but it turned out to be an arrogant wind. The sound of the wind and the clouds kind of scared me.It always was like that from my childhood. I knew that the wind wont hurt me but still there was a fear a fear kind of a different feeling. I just wanted to run to my husbandwake him up and just felt like going out and dancing in the wind and rain. I came to the bedroom and saw my tired husband already in deep sleep and next to him my 10 monthsbaby too was sleeping. I had just spend 2 hours to put her to sleep. Should I wake my tired husband and should I wake my baby and waste my two hours effort of putting her to sleep.
Along with the wind drifted my thoughts too back to my childhood days. When I was a kid I faced the same wind with same tingling fear. The moment I hear the sound of the wind I used to rush to my dad. He used to hug me and make me sit in his lap. Beside me my mom would be either telling me stories or humming her favorite songand inspite of the fear I used to feel as though I were the most protected kid in the world.
As years rolled by in my school days when I saw the wind, the same fear but now my younger sis was there. I used to rush to her and hug her and next to memy parents having a healthy competition of who is good at making paper boats. And ofcourse the judge being me, I would always declare the winner not based on their boats but basedon who was more considerate to me then.
Then came my teen days, the same wind and rain, but there was a small ego which never allowed me to tell my friends that am scared of wind, and so always we a group ofthree friends, used to get drenched in rain , eating ice cream and being cursed by some elders...See these kids on the road...Eating icecreams in such a cold weather...!!!
Then came my college days, this time though I had the fear for the sound of the wind and heavy rain, my reaction to it was, to put a chair near the window and have myfavorite novel in my hand and beg and pamper my mom for a freshly brewed coffee..And finally when I settle in the chair listening to the songs of rain and wind and sipping my coffeeand about to read the book, my sis would come and take the book away and we used to have a small fight and lots of giggles and the episode will end with me and my sistalking useless (that it seemed to be the most useful) gossips.
Then came my courtship days, the same wind and rain, would take me to my mobile and I used to call my would be(now my hubby) and talk sweet nothings mostly caughtby my naughtiest sis.
Then came the days as newly wed, this wind and rain and it was nice to tell my hubby that I am actually scared of wind and to settle in his warm hug and romantic cuddles.
Well now as a mom of ten months and after five years of married life, the same wind and rain, giving me thoughts if I should wake my husband along with that some worries like Oh my God the clothes I had put outside will become wet.
Suddenly there was a big thunder that brought me back to the present moment. I just noticed tears rolling down in my cheeks.
Trust me..I really dont know if they are tears of happiness or sadness.

Nice one....

Love Letter!! From a loving husband

My Dearest Darling,
I had the choice of giving you flowers or greeting cards or bouquet...but don't know why I chose to write a love letter to you instead.
I am not a poet and so I cannot write sonnets embellishing your beauty. I am not an eloquent writer and so cannot compare you to moon, sea or stars. But there is something special I have which a poet or a writer cannot express for you....my true love for you from my heart.
Do you remember the first time we met? It was at a party and one of our friends introduced us. By some sheer magic my first words uttered to you were "Where are your wings? I thought angels carried them all along wherever they went." I still don't know how did I say that, but it worked. All I remembered about you that day was that you laughed beautifully to all my stupid jokes and anecdotes. Truthfully most of them were copied from Woody Allen's stand up act video I saw somewhere. I told this to you only years later fearing that you would reject me as unoriginal.
I didnt fall in love with your eyes which exhibited the kindness of Virgin Mary or anger of satan in a slit second. I didnt fall in love with your lips which were tulip colored and had the freshness of the dew drop on lotus flower. I didnt fall in love with your long hair which seemed to challenge the very existence of gravity whenever wind blew through it. I didnt fall in love with your voice which had the divineness of even bringing the dead back to life. I didnt fall in love with your hands which were so soft and little that one wondered if the god had sculpted them for weeks altogether.
I loved you when you patiently taught alphabets to the physically challenged kid in the neighborhood. I loved you when you were angry with your father when he skipped his lunch. I loved you when you took all the blame for the withering of flowers which was instead your sister's responsibility. I loved you when you cooked food for the neighborhood aunt day after day. All I fell hopelessly in love was with....YOU. Mar 1 La Vida It took me six months and eight days to realize that I had been suffering from your love and the only potion that could save me was your acceptance to marry me. 3 days and 121 drafts later I managed to write a love letter to you explaining why you could marry me and still be happy. I had not even been nervous for my grade exams than I was when I waited for your response to the letter. It seemed as if that day the hands of clock refused to move apart and as if I was in a time warp. I must have opened my mail box once in every five minutes and kept looking at my phone as if my life depended on it...and yes it did. Thank god, you saved me. The moment you said yes, I yelled loud enough to be heard from the other side of the Atlantic.
I thought that perfect marriage existed only in romantic novels...until we had one. Each day was wonderful waking up looking at you. Some people tell that marriage is boring because the sheer prospect of waking up to see the same face near day after day is horrifying. Unlucky chaps...they were not married to someone as wonderful you. I loved those wrinkles under your eyes even though you hated it. Do you remember how you cried when you lost my birthday present in the shop and couldn't surprise me? Why would I need a gift when I had you for me?
But it all crash landed one day when we discovered that you were suffering from Brain Tumor. I thought that I loved you more than anyone, but seemed that even the gods loved you a lot. Being a mortal I hardly stood a chance fighting them. The hardest thing is living in the fear of death of someone you love more than your life. By sheer misfortune I could not share your pain and instead watch you suffer from it. Five months later the gods summoned you and snatched you away from my possession.
They say that life has to move on. Maybe it does. People ask me if I remember you often. You have to forget something to remember it back. So I guess it doesn't apply to me. Mar 1 La Vida As I write this, I am at the same place in the beach where you asked me "How much do you love me?".
I will never understand why women need to be reassured of the vows of love. But as a well read man I answered something that I read somewhere "I love you more than you love yourself."
Your loving husband..
He rolled the letter and inserted it inside the bottle and threw it far into the waters. Sometimes people say that he is a mad man...but does it matter to him?

When When When

????????????????
When was it I was in Cloud Nine
when my Best Half became Mine!
When was it I felt very special
when you gave me that wonderful cuddle!
When was it I felt am also cute
when your love made me to uproot!
When was it I felt am complete
when I felt in me your heartbeat!
When in my life came sunshine
when you became my valentine!

Worries Invited ForEver

Well it was a shock for all of us when we heard that Shankar is getting married. The Shankar who ridiculed everyone who gave marriage invitation, who had the definition that full form of wife is Worries Invited ForEver,when he gave the invitation we were all surprised.And ofcourse some of our women colleagues even sympathised the girl who is going to marry Shankar.

Well, we all went for the marriage,wished him made enough fun of him and came back.But the shock doesnt end there. Very soon after Shankar joined our office, he made his wife also join our office. And soon we all started making fun of him that now Shankars wife is his boss in both office and home.

Somehow I myself being Shankars best friend thought that Shankar is giving too much rights to his wife. Well when people started making fun Shankar never seemed to bother about it but I got irritated. So I took him for tea and started telling about this.

Shankar! Are you listening to what our colleagues are saying

What? Shankar asked.

Well that you have become a slave to your wife. Personally even I feel the same.

Shankar laughed. Rajesh tell me something. What makes you think like that.

Well you generally used to ridicule everyone who is getting married and made fun of everyone even if they get a call from their wives. But now you seemed to ask permission from your wife for everything.

Yes Rajesh. There is a sudden change in me. Tell me one thing Rajesh. We are working so hard in this company for almost 5 years. But still after so many appraisals also our manager doesnt trust us enough to give one single project for us. But a girl who is brought up in a different environment, leaves her parents and come to live in a totally different atmosphere trusting a guy. No interviews, No appraisals. In that case is it not our duty to keep our wives happy. Is it not our responsibility to make the one single person who has complete trust on us to cherish her every second she lives worth while.

I was too silent and didnt have any words to talk.

This sudden change in me is because of my mother Rajesh. My dad has always been a superior person and my mom used to be scared to even open her mouth. Last month when my mom was bed ridden and sick she called me and told "Shankar! As a child I always used to feel safe when am with my dad. I could boldly vouch that my dad can do anything for me. And when my dad fixed my marriage he told me now you have your husband who will do anything for you. But unfortunately your dad was not like that.So Shankar I want my son to be like my father. You marry a girl and make her cherish her life.I will be proud of you when your wife says"If there is one person who can do anything for me its my husband" " That was her last words Rajesh and now you know why I changed.

Well actually I didnt reply Suresh.I was just thinking when leaving from office I should buy jasmine flowers for my wife today.

Labour and Delivery

Labour and Delivery
/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*//*/*/*/

When I saw the positive line in the pregnancy test kit no words to describe the happiness me and my hubby had felt. But in the deep end of my mind there was a little fear of labour pain. But then I thought let me enjoy the first 8 months as labour is somewhere in the ninth month. But for a person like me the smell of hospital was a night mare and any kind of syringe could make me run marathon, I dreaded labour very much.

The first 6 months with visits to doctor and folic acid tablets and very yummy food from my mother in law and fruits carefully selected and given to me by my father in law and love that is showered on me from my husband I enjoyed all of it thoroughly. Very soon it was 7th month and I went to my moms house. Well though I was becoming huge suddenly after long time when you go
to your mothers house with no repsonsibilities and when you get so much attention and pamperings do I need to say that I enjoyed that also.

Then came the ninth month along with it bringing some dreams to me. Though I hardly slept in the night still whenver I slept there was some dreams. Sometimes they were crazy like as soon as my kid is born its starting to walk or its talking or its too huge , sometimes they were so nice like I deliver the most beautiful baby in the world or like I go to doctor and the doctor saying
oh no you are already into labour and without any trace of pain I deliver and sometimes its like so dreadful like I couldnt make it in labour and just the way they show in cinema the doctor comes out and removes his specs and tell my hubby that sorry we could only save the kid.But with all this still there was one confidence that is if my hubby held my hands I was some how very sure I
wouldnt feel pain.
Then came the dday. I was lying on sofa and watching some junk serial. It was 10 in the night. Suddenly my mobile rang and I woke up quickly and felt a sprain. Thats it I never knew it was contraction and I thought it was sprain and continued to watch the serial and in that there was a lady who got labour pain and is being taken inside. I immediately thought if that lady had a
boy I will also have a boy etc. See Idle mind devils workshop. To my horror that lady dies delivering the baby making me more nervous. The whole of night I couldnt sleep because of fear and because of my pains.

Next day my hubby called and I told him that I got sprain. The first thing he told is to go to doctor. So I went to doctor and she checked and told am having contractions and asked me to get admitted.Oh No So soon...As she was checking me for contractions in the labour room there was a lady next to me delivering. The shouts and screams from her made me all the more
nervous. Oh God what situation I had put myself in is the only thought I had and I couldnt control my tears. I called my husband immediately and cried my heart out and he immediatlely started to reach me. Next thing I decided was no matter what and however is the pain I am not going to tell anyone till my husband comes. Because somehow I thought I could handle the first stage myself but inside labour room I know I couldnt do without my husband. The whole day they gave me only fluids and I got more tired with the pain and fluids and finally when my hubby came and held me for the first few minutes there was really no pain.
Then came the longest night I had ever spent because of pains. And in the morning they induced pain and then I understood what is contraction and what is labour pain. I initially felt I should experience what is labour pain but in reality It was unbearable. Suddenly my husband remembered of epidural and asked the doctor to give me epidural. But by then though I was awake nothing went inside my head. After epidural was given I was literally normal. No pain and I could even smile at my husband. Then came the most fearful hour the labour and my husband was asked to leave the room. I was too shocked but couldnt speak anything. Slowly my pain was back and when I told
the doctor she told now unless I have pain I wouldnt be able to push. Then it started. They put the oxygen mask and started shouting at me to push. All the things I thought I should do like breathing,prayers etc nothing came to my mind. All I could feel was the pain and the tiredness by pushing. Suddenly the mask fell down and I started coughing. For a split second I saw the worried face of doctor and felt that am not going to make it. But then at that time all that mattered to me was no matter what happens to me my darling baby should be safe. But then the doctor came near me and started talking to me that she also got severe cough in her delivery etc etc of which nothing mattered but her smile gave me a new set of confidence. They put back the oxygen mask and in the next few minutes I had delivered. God Gifted me my cute little princess.

The thing that is so wonderful is how God could suddenly give confidence and strength to a fearful person like me and how a new soul is born from a woman and how suddenly nothing matters to a mother other than her kid is all beyond words and still a mystery. Now as I see my daughters face all the pain seems to be worth of it. And now I keep telling others dont worry its
normal, You wont feel anything once your baby is born :)

The Gift

The Gift/*/*/*/*/*/*
Two Days!!!! Suddenly two days seemed to be more than 2 years. Never knew that it would turn out to be this serious. It had been there for couple of months. I kept forgetting where I kept my car keys or spectacles,remote etc and I thought at 70 you cannot remember everything. But yesterday when in my own street I couldnt locate my house it is then that I got scared and rushed to the doctor.All he said is it could be due to some tension or pressure or worst it could be Alzemeirs. He took all the tests and had asked me to come after 2 days. I couldnt imagine a life with Alzemeirs and the first thing that comes to my mind is my wife. Oh no now I have only 2 days to prove myself as a worthy husband.

Fifty years of married life and I know I had been very faithful to my wife and had been a tee-totaller and above all I had loved her more and more as every year had passed by. But one thing that would be missing in our married life is romance. May be its in the blood probably because I could never be romantic or emotional or sentimental. Being a supervisor in a transport company, I had always felt as a boss both at home and outside. And when Raji came to my life
she was just the opposite of me. She is very emotional, lovable and romantic and above all she could empathise with others which made her close to all our relatives and she had lots of friends.

She always had some reason to celebrate and I had wondered seeing her energy
level. Not only that she also always did something to surprise me. It would either be my favorite food or some love you message or something. Ofcourse I had enjoyed them but I wouldnt be able to do the same. And when I tried doing it she understood that I did out of compulsion. And one day she even spoke to me that she doesnt need any surprise or gifts from me, and I felt so bad to even see her straight in her eyes.

Now as am driving towards my home when I think about the past there is a sense of guilt I have. Does my wife really love me even now. I had been selfish and I had been arrogant and when am in tension or anger or frustration I had shown it on my wife. Its a irony that always your outlet of tension or anger is on the person for whom you care the most. Infact I dont exactly remember wehn was the last time I had spoken with love to her. It had always been a routine conversation between us and I think it was around 5 years back that she hinted me about it but as always I had never understood it. And now I just have two days to let my wife know that I love her deeply and to tell her all those words that I have never told.

True to my heart if I get a chance to go back to my twenties and if I get a chance to marry again my heart would definitely choose my wife.Raji again but will she choose me. I would choose her because when I show frustration or anger she was patient with me, she made my life meaningful with all those cheerful moments, she had taken care of my parents well, though she initially was disappointed of me being non romantic still she endured it. But when I ask her the same thing will she have atleast one reason to choose me. Well may be I would forget everything because of my disease but I need to know if she would choose me.

I stepped inside my house lost in my thoughts and Raji was reading a magazine. She looked at me and as I expected she asked me what happenned you look so upset. Thats my Raji she could judge me exactly by my looks and my tone. I said nothing am tired. Again she asked tell me know what happenned and this time I told her please get me something hot to drink. Now she looked more startled.
Whats this...Generally he would have shouted at me for asking like this. But today he seemed to be patient. These are the thoughts that crossed Rajis mind. And she came out with two cups of coffee.

Now is the time I thought. And I asked Raji, Raji if you get a chance will you marry me again. I could see the sudden spark in her eyes.

Ofcourse I do but why are you asking me this.

No please I want to know why you would choose me again.

Because I love you. And she started giggling. What happenned old man that suddenly you are becoming romantic. Planning for some affair outside is it?

No Raji. Please I want to know. I had never been a romantic and had never done anything that could have got you happiness. I could see tears in her eyes and then she spoke.

All she told me is love is not give and take. Love is unconditional. My way of expressing love is with gifts and surprises and your way of expressing is to protect and care for me, to understand me. I love you and will always love you. Initially I had sensed disappointment but when I found out your way of expressions its just your presence that was and is a big gift for me old man.

Two days later I got a call from the hospital that it was not Alzemeir. But honestly I had forgotten that I had been to hospital also. Because now I dont want to waste even a single second and want to enjoy every second and want to celebrate love with my most precious gift life had given me - My wife.

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Helping Hands

It was our engagement anniversary..Well..Let me explain..Me and my husband..will try hard to find some celebrations..and we will celebrate it give gifts and surprises and will make an ordinary calendar day to an extra ordinary fun filled day. So like that it became our engagement anniversary..and as usual I tried hard to get a different unique gift for my hubby and finally ended up buying a T-shirt hee hee...what to do..you know what for guys not much choice...yar. And I was waiting for my hubbys turn..but all he said is Thank You. Still I was hoping that he would suddenly bring a gift in front of me..but since he didnt even show a hint of it well..I only asked him where is my gift..and all he said was sharuks dialouge...'Am I not your gift' Well I managed to smile and said Yes you are...but a little disappointed though...Then we went to office..and finally I bugged him to take me to a nice restaurant for lunch.And when we were having lunch I got a call from Udavum Karangal Vidyakar the incharge of orphanage. He wished me for anniversary and said because of you 100 kids are eating a nice meal with sweets today. I was so confused when my husband gave me a understanding smile and said How is my anniversary gift. Filled with tears of happiness and forgetting that its a restaurant I hugged him and said This is the best gift I have ever got.What else could bring more happiness than feeding the innocent minds.Well To get more details check here
http://www.udavumkarangal.org/surprise.htm
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Dreams

Saturdays and Sundays
Are made working Days
While Resting days are
All Mondays till Fridays

Uniforms Changed to Non Uniforms
And everywhere you turn
Kids in colour dress
Without making any mess

Out of the eight periods
Six were made PT periods
So No more lessons which are same
When all you do is play game

Gone are the days
Were you scare for exmas
Becoz now exams were mystery
Became a chapter in history

Oops,If I open my eyes
All these thoughts would be just dreams
And so here I am closing my eyes
And dreaming of new rules that is nice.

Hey you there

Just want to share
A lil'l secret with you
Its just that I love you

When Am in trouble
You are there to drive it as bubble

Whem Am so sad
You are there to make me glad

When I get worried about the Present
You make me merry with your presence

And dear friend
Just be there Always for me
As I am there just for you

Missing You

Away from me
You Are in Miles
But my heart still
Longs for your smile

Tears Are pouring
Just like Nile
Why dont you just
Send me a mail
Days just Never
Seem to end fast
And without you
I am just lost
I feel asthough
Am living in the past
Why dont you just
Come near to me fast

There is God

When tough times comes and it seems so hard
Dont you worry! God is there to guard
When debts are high and you can just not pay
Dont you worry! God is there to pave the way
When you feel that everything is impossible
Dont you worry. God is there to say I'm possible.
So Dear Friend
Dont you worry
Trust in God
And just be bold.