Dreaming in Dream

Ammamma, I had a strange dream. In which also I was sleeping and dreaming. It was your house..You were there talking to me and Anu, telling us about your tution visits and then asking us to sleep. It was like so real. I could clearly see you feel you and listen your voice. And then I wake up realizing it was just a dream and there were tears in eyes. And In reality also I woke up.

I was so confused thinking if its just a dream or a dream in a dream or whatever..Because I had taken medicine I was all the more drowsy but I did remember your face and your expressions when you were talking. Today I saw pics of yours again. Writing to you feels as if you are alive there waiting to read them. You know there was a story sixth sense, in which the doctor who was a psychiatrist comes as a spirit and helps a boy. Will you not do that to me ammamma.

Can I have a hope of seeing you..atleast in my dreams. Now a days I want to keep sleeping so I could keep seeing you even if it is only a dream. Ammamma, do you hear me. Can you understand any of it.

I am alone,

With loneliness awaiting for me.

I am at loss

I am with grief

I wanted to share it with someone

Needed a shoulder to lean upon..

There was my mom..

Already depressed.

I managed to put a smile

To give her the courage she needed.

I went to my friend,

To share my pain..

She was there with all smiles

to show her just born to me

And I came back with another fake smile..

I went to my loved one

To share this fear...

He was busy with his exam fear..

And I turned back yet another smile...

To those I spoke

They dont understand..

To whom I wanted to speak

Were too busy to listen..

And then when I turned back..

I saw the loneliness..

waiting for me

giving its shoulder to lean on....

It feels so lonely ammamma without you..

What difference it makes ammamma...

Finally its after all just a blog and you wont even know about it..

But yet

We miss you ammamma...miss you a lot.