Monday, September 24, 2007

The Gift

The Gift/*/*/*/*/*/*
Two Days!!!! Suddenly two days seemed to be more than 2 years. Never knew that it would turn out to be this serious. It had been there for couple of months. I kept forgetting where I kept my car keys or spectacles,remote etc and I thought at 70 you cannot remember everything. But yesterday when in my own street I couldnt locate my house it is then that I got scared and rushed to the doctor.All he said is it could be due to some tension or pressure or worst it could be Alzemeirs. He took all the tests and had asked me to come after 2 days. I couldnt imagine a life with Alzemeirs and the first thing that comes to my mind is my wife. Oh no now I have only 2 days to prove myself as a worthy husband.

Fifty years of married life and I know I had been very faithful to my wife and had been a tee-totaller and above all I had loved her more and more as every year had passed by. But one thing that would be missing in our married life is romance. May be its in the blood probably because I could never be romantic or emotional or sentimental. Being a supervisor in a transport company, I had always felt as a boss both at home and outside. And when Raji came to my life
she was just the opposite of me. She is very emotional, lovable and romantic and above all she could empathise with others which made her close to all our relatives and she had lots of friends.

She always had some reason to celebrate and I had wondered seeing her energy
level. Not only that she also always did something to surprise me. It would either be my favorite food or some love you message or something. Ofcourse I had enjoyed them but I wouldnt be able to do the same. And when I tried doing it she understood that I did out of compulsion. And one day she even spoke to me that she doesnt need any surprise or gifts from me, and I felt so bad to even see her straight in her eyes.

Now as am driving towards my home when I think about the past there is a sense of guilt I have. Does my wife really love me even now. I had been selfish and I had been arrogant and when am in tension or anger or frustration I had shown it on my wife. Its a irony that always your outlet of tension or anger is on the person for whom you care the most. Infact I dont exactly remember wehn was the last time I had spoken with love to her. It had always been a routine conversation between us and I think it was around 5 years back that she hinted me about it but as always I had never understood it. And now I just have two days to let my wife know that I love her deeply and to tell her all those words that I have never told.

True to my heart if I get a chance to go back to my twenties and if I get a chance to marry again my heart would definitely choose my wife.Raji again but will she choose me. I would choose her because when I show frustration or anger she was patient with me, she made my life meaningful with all those cheerful moments, she had taken care of my parents well, though she initially was disappointed of me being non romantic still she endured it. But when I ask her the same thing will she have atleast one reason to choose me. Well may be I would forget everything because of my disease but I need to know if she would choose me.

I stepped inside my house lost in my thoughts and Raji was reading a magazine. She looked at me and as I expected she asked me what happenned you look so upset. Thats my Raji she could judge me exactly by my looks and my tone. I said nothing am tired. Again she asked tell me know what happenned and this time I told her please get me something hot to drink. Now she looked more startled.
Whats this...Generally he would have shouted at me for asking like this. But today he seemed to be patient. These are the thoughts that crossed Rajis mind. And she came out with two cups of coffee.

Now is the time I thought. And I asked Raji, Raji if you get a chance will you marry me again. I could see the sudden spark in her eyes.

Ofcourse I do but why are you asking me this.

No please I want to know why you would choose me again.

Because I love you. And she started giggling. What happenned old man that suddenly you are becoming romantic. Planning for some affair outside is it?

No Raji. Please I want to know. I had never been a romantic and had never done anything that could have got you happiness. I could see tears in her eyes and then she spoke.

All she told me is love is not give and take. Love is unconditional. My way of expressing love is with gifts and surprises and your way of expressing is to protect and care for me, to understand me. I love you and will always love you. Initially I had sensed disappointment but when I found out your way of expressions its just your presence that was and is a big gift for me old man.

Two days later I got a call from the hospital that it was not Alzemeir. But honestly I had forgotten that I had been to hospital also. Because now I dont want to waste even a single second and want to enjoy every second and want to celebrate love with my most precious gift life had given me - My wife.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Just happened to read your blog and the story gift. I am also 70 and it touched my heart to read this. I lost my wife 2 years back and the character you portraied was similar to my wife.Got tears.
I bless you and may you have a wonderful married life.

Anonymous said...

Is this the same anitha who wrote in tamilblog

Anonymous said...

good one.....

Anonymous said...

Nice one Anitha
When are you going to continue in pavanitha blog

Anonymous said...

Interesting to know.