F1

Well definitely not about F1 race. F1 - Help..which also as a short key has become short.The best happiness lies in helping someone may be a stranger who is in need. Day before when I was walking towards home saw a old man carrying so many bags in the signal.Thought I will help him in carrying those bags. But now the world has become such a place that even if you offer help people might doubt you..what if she ran away with my bag :-). But somehow he accepted. He said he is going to Faith clinic which is opposite to my house. He said he is 80 and his vision is getting dim each passing day. He was having trouble conversing in English and started to tell something in chinese which I literally didnt understood. We reached the clininc and after he registred I wanted to go home. The clinic was full and am sure it would take anouther 1 and half hour. Its already late and my 3 year old will be waiting for me at home. My heart was requesting me to stay there and take the old man back but I couldnt do it because Anannaya will be waiting for me. And no charge in my mobile to call and tell home that i will be late. I told in the counter about the old man. She gave me a strange look and said she will take care. I told bye to him. He smiled and said thank you dear.

But somehow I felt incomplete. It felt bad that I couldnt do much to help him and may be like him so many people whom I could never help.Not only to strangers even some time to close relatives and bestest friends because of our situation we are not able to help and it feels worse. What is the poin of life if you cant help who are close to our heart. Really hate those kind of situations which in the end makes you feel awful..and which even kind of strains the relationship.

I once was talking to my uncle when I was really down because of this and was like about to cry that I am not a good friend am not able to help them and whatever I do to help is like peanuts when compared to what others are doing. I was telling that it feels like am giving lame excuses.

Then he told me a small story. When Rama wanted to cross lanka he wanted to build a bridge and the huge vanara seva was there helping him to construct the bridge. There was a little squirrel who wanted to help too but couldnt help because of its size. When it carried some sand to fill in the stones the monkeys there scolded him saying he is actually disturbing instead of helping :-). Its like stay away thats the best help you could offer.

The squirrel felt sad and then Rama who observed it took the squirrel in hand and told the monkeys that..how muchever stones you put in..in between there is a gap which gets filled by the sand the squirrel brings in. So never degrade anyone who comes to help by putting their heart into it. Then he carressed the squirrle and thats how squirrels got those three lines which are actually Ramas fingers.

Well It did help to lift my mood up. Ya sometimes life puts us in very different circumstances and people that..we are not able to do what our heart says. Kind of tied up situation. But I guess I should always try to follow what my heart says if it doesnt hurt people around.

Help Ever. Hurt Never.

Relaxed....

The last one week was like roller coaster ride. Fever up...Fever Down..n No Sleep...Just Tired...But from Friday eve..it was different..Friday around 8:30 I came down and was waiting for cab..No cab..so started walking and it was drizzling with a cool breeze..But somehow didnt feel like walking alone so I went back to office called a cab and took cab home..And then great time started..

When I went home my daughter had already finished her dinner and was still playing. I took bath came out and had hot dinner..reading a novel..AFter I finished my dinner..my darling princess wanted to watch krishna CD with me.So I was lying down in the sofa along with her...she watching Krishna and me reading novel..wow..for a change without disturbance. Around 11 she slept and I was still reading..I finished the book around 12:30..it was still raining and I went to sleep.

It was like college and pre marriage days..where I open a novel..and i will be in a different world till I close it. But after marriage..you cant afford that..so many times you will have to close the book to cook or to answer your hubby and after kids..well..they become our priority.

So I really felt good that I was able to complete..it..and then went to sleep..I woke up at around 7:30..but still wanted to sleep..so I just hugged my daughter and went to sleep again..Cant believe my luck that..she was still sleeping..Finally I woke up around 9:50 am..thats again a lottery :-) and i was so relaxed..and she woke up around 10:15
Then I made my fav dosa..a new variety of dosa..had it..and had tea..and again lucky..my daughter insisted that she will eat on her own..and she did too.

It was 11 then..and had to go to shop to buy water purifier..So we left to the shop..and got some tempted seeing Harry potter poster..and never imagined we would get tickets..we just walked to the theater..to see if we will get tickets and again.it was 11:45 and tickets were availabel for 11.50...so we got it..and went and watched the movie..

Back home around 3:30.had food..and went to sleep..and woke up at 7:00 pm :-) Again dinner session and around 9:30 there was a tamil movie kullanari kootam..never expected seeing the name that it would be a okay movie..but it was a nice clean movie..

So over all a great day..went to sleep at 12:30 and just woke up..and am blogging..;-)

Hope the day continues this way..but lots of work to do(Office pending stuff)...Let me clear it..off.now.

Have a nice day everyone.

Where did Every one go?

Monday started with no blues and with full of life. No morning tensions at home. Reached office on time ;-) and started work. EVerything seemed so perfect. But then..now a days..getting into off mood is the easiest thing that occurs so naturally to me. So evening dont know what triggered my mood off..but the minute I was in a bad mood, I attracted things which could spoil my mood even worse.

So suddenly in the evening..i felt desperately lonely...needed a shoulder to cry on..and ofcourse didnt want to hear any advises. And then I thought I will call home..My home number..guess my daughter did not keep the receiver properly so not reachable. Then I called my college friends. .you dont have to keep in touch with them but still can catch up with good old times whenever you call them. For a change..everyones number I had..and every ones mobile was ringing..no one picked up...Whats wrong..

Then I called up my uncle..thinking may be i could talk to him to change my mood..but same story...phone ringing no one picking up..

Finally I called up my cousin....who was very busy and asked me to call tomorrow..And after I disconnected I felt very lonely..but by then I reached home.

And when I entered there my princess..she was standing and telling some story to her aunty :-). She was holding a small dog (ofcourse toy..she is like me..in getting scared of dogs and cats) and telling her aunty..Aunty you mix milk for the doggy..what the dog name i kept.i forgot..ya ya timmy..you mix milk put three full spoons of pediasure okay..mix properly okay otherwise timmy will not drink...and then seeing the expression of her aunty...she turned back to see me..and came running and gave a hug ammmmma...you are home..see ammma..timmy not drinking milk..what do now? Seeing her face full of innocence...and the way a three year old speaks..it just filled the heart with happiness..

So what did I say..mood off..who got mood off...

By the way..where did everyone go..Was it some earth hour or something yesterday that everyone decided not to pick up their call????!!!!

I AM TIRED..

Someone Asked..Hey Are You Ok?
And I replied..Yes I am OK. Just TIRED..little bit...

So What I meant is..I am
Torn apart,Insecured,Really Faking my smile,Extremely Sad and Drowning in my own tears..

And if you ask me Why...I would reply..I really dont know.

Actually physical activities make you tired but then the recovery from that tiredness could just be a good rest..a good sleep..you wake up and you are perfectly fine and even active..

But its the state of our mind which keeps us active or tired. When you do something you really love to do..or enjoy doing it with people whom you love to be with...then any kind of activity may never make you tired.

But at the sametime if you are stressed out..I dont know..how all kinds of problems gets a hint that one person is stressed out , so lets go visit him and reaches us as quick as possible and wait in queue to say a hello to us. And it adds more stress to decide which one of the problems to address first.

Sometimes we always keep expecting more from some people in our lives probably because we also would do them more. Sometimes certain situations comes up which puts you in a totally helpless state and all you can give the other person is some excuse. Sometimes in life we dont know what is the right thing to do and end up doing something which might lead to a big change.

Whenver we do any plan using our brain..especially in my case with the limited access I have with my brain..we tend to forget to have a mitigation plan because of the interupption or risk to our plan caused by our heart.

Wow.How can someone blabber so much early in the morning...

Well Like I said..I AM TIRED..really...

At some point of time when you are very very tired..probably it might lead to a state of mind where you dont care about anything..anyone..and start losing your cool and start yelling at people for no reason..which I just did... Thankfully got back to my senses in few minutes...and had the courage to call that person back and tell sorry too.

So well..now am in a great mood..and you can talk to me at your own risk :-).

My Dear Ammamma.

Life sometime becomes too hectic that we forget what we are looking for, what is the priority and infact at times to some extent that the mere purpose of living is forgotten. April 29th 2010. That is the last time I spoke to my ammamma..and I lost Ammamma the same day last year.Actually that incident is something which reminds me of what difference one day coul'd make.
I spoke to her and supposed to meet her the next day and unfortunately couldnt meet her.

Ammamma...Every time I think about her, I still feel her presence.The last time I had seen her was in November in 2009. Though her birthday was on 18th of November, still we celebrated it when I was in chennai. She was still carrying her camera and taking photos of us. She did cake cutting and fed all of us. After that we all had dinner together. I sat with her. Anannya also was there with me. It just kind of still feel as if it had happened yesterday.


Throughout my days in Desur, she was with me. We were more friends than a grand daughter - mom relationship. I was able to share with her everything..every fear , every hope and every dream. Really now if I sit back and think I had never realized how much she had been a close friend rather than my granny. She was an amazing cook. With literally very little kind of things available she could cook great and yummy dishes. Not only patience but also she was equally bold. Very Bold.
She was taking tuition classess in Desur. If there had not been an accident, we would have probably stayed together for even more time. One small accident, I became adamant of sending her back to Chennai. Literally she sacrificed her tutitions which was actually her passion..just to be with me to guide me and to support me in joining SBI. The life there was actually simple. How many nights we would have had our dinner in terrace. How many nights we would have spent sitting in terrace and talking to each other endlessly. How many stories she would have told me sitting in the terrace. About her life, about her past and also about epics..so much of minute details she could fill in from Mahabarath, Ramayana and Bhagavatham. Really it was a golden period of my life which I never realized.

Yes...sometimes we understand the value of certain moments after its ended and after realizing that it will never happen again. And that is how it feels about Ammamma. She is really really great. She was always confident and very bold. Self respect matters a lot. I am missing you a lot Ammamma.

Wish I could spend some more time with you.Wish atleast once I could have brought you to singapore.

Right now ammamma wish you were near me..so I could talk to you..from my heart.

Ammamma..Right now..

She goes through each day, With a smile on her face
She holds herself well, With much poise and grace
She laughs and she smiles, She seems so happy and free
But deep deep inside, There’s something no one can see
When you look at her you think, She has must have everything
But you’ll never know, The song she must sing
Its one filled with grief, Lonely and sad
You cant see the loss, The horrid experiences she had
So while you see laughter, When you look into her eyes
Its just her way to hide, All the tears she has cried
She goes through the same, Time after time
She watches everyone’s happy ending, Wondering where’s mine


I am in tears now ammamma..thinking of you..missing you and needing you.

The Cup Of Pride

It was one of those WOW Moments. Eyes were glued to the television and the heart skipped a beat when Dhoni played the perfect captains knock and hit the ball to SIX and wow...India won the World cup after the long wait of 28 years..:-). The Golden Moment :-):-):-) Cant put enough smileys....

It was not only a perfect gift for we the Indians but indeed the most deserving gift to Sachin who has been waiting for this since 1992.

This time right from quarters it was all a tough match. The quarter finals with Australia...Semis with Pakistan which almost was like world cup final and then came the final with Srilanka. When India lost the toss...ooooppsssss...it felt awful and almost took half the confidence away. But when Srilanka made a score of 275 it still gave some hope..Hope that now still we have a chance to win.

Actually this time we had some friends at home..and we had called our friends to see the India - Pakistan Match => The semis. As everyone is aware this match meant more than the finals at that moment. And wow...it was an amazing performance from our bowlers and we won. So we wanted to make sure that the luck works..and so the same gang of people sat together for the finals. One side our kids were shouting hurray..out and all kinds..and other side we were all fighting. In the semis..one of our friends..used to get some production support call and whenever he went out getting a call Pakistan was losing a wicket..and so we tried the same for finals..but it didnt work..and the luck was bad for me..whenever I was sitting in front of TV India was losing the wicket..so i almost was sitting alone in my bedroom and was checking scores in i phone..whenever out of curiosity i came out..we lost Tendulkar,Virat kohli and then..finally when Dhoni and Gambhir was playing..i thought its okay to come and see..but the minute i came out..Gambhir was gone..i still feel guilty as if he missed his century becoz of me ;-).
Finally I came out only for Dhonis six :-).

Though there is lots to write about Tendulkar, Yuvraj, Zaheer khan, Harbajan and everyone who are part of the team my heart indeed keeps replaying Dhonis six. He has been a wonderful captain and especially in the match that was full of pressure..and with lots of expectations all over, a stadium full of crowd waiting for the golden moment...he handled it in a great manner.

A good leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way..and that was Dhoni..:-)

Really hats off to Dhoni and his team for giving India the long awaited Cup of Pride.

Jai Hind.

I love you.

Its the small things that actually fill the heart with bliss. We keep worrying about all big things that we forget to enjoy all those small moments.

Today I was playing with my daughter and then I was trying to put her to sleep. But my mind was totally pre occupied with work. I was just thinking so deeply on how to do and what to do and when to do on work related items. Though I was there physically with my daughter my mind was not there. Then she asked me to sing for her.Well no one except my daughter has the courage to ask me to sing and listen to my songs also :-).

Then I started humming songs for her still all the way thinking about work, work and work. And after sometime I was like losing patience also. When she would sleep and when I can login? Then while I was still singing..she suddenly said..
Amma..I love you.

Wow. That was worth more than anything in life. Suddenly life felt blessed. It felt like those words suddenly brought me back to the present. Oops. I already spend very little time with her and even during that time If my mind is occupied with something else..its an injustice :-(.

How nice it is if we learn to and able to live each and every moment and enjoy that very moment. Easily said than done. So well my darling princess indeed made my day with a sudden surprise of those words and it really felt so nice.
Now I put her to sleep...till that time I spent quality time with her. And then logged back..to work..but at the same time wanted to log it in my blog as well.

All that matters is simple moments, love, care, understanding...and then..life is bliss. Well its just a matter for 2 weeks for valentines day as well.
So tell your loved ones..that you love them and mean it...it makes wonders to those who love you.

Love All;Serve All;

And its okay to say I LOVE YOU as many times as you want as long as you mean it. No one gets bored to hear it ..alteast women dont get bored to hear that they are being loved :-).

Anannyas Sports Day

After long time A sports day. For a change not as a student or a participant but as a parent. It was really indeed one of the most wonderful days of our life.
And it was so nostalgic and I was actually thinking of my dad.

The day started at around 6:30 am. I woke up and was admiring my daughter for sometime and then saw the time it was 6:45 . Oops..8 am her bus will come. And then came the shock...Her shoes :-). Any important day in my life will always start with some shock and there it was. Her shoes were literally wet...dripping with water since our maid washed it. And then no choice..her dad had to literally drive to Mustafa as fast as possible to buy new shoes. well her first sports day cant take any chances :-). And that reminded me of my dad..how many events..and how many times he would have gone to shops or to friends house for getting all those which we forget in the last minute.

Then Anannya was also as excited as me for her sports day and without troubling much she was ready by 8. Her bus and her dad came at the same time and fastet fingers first..I put her shoes in that speed when she was in the school bus. And then started my princess.

And then we went to GIIS stadium. It was kinder garden sports day. Kids in yellow,blue and red sports uniform. The stadium looked so colorful as if we were standing in a butterfly garden. It was really such a wonderful sight. And it was cloudy..everyone there worried if it would rain but thanks to Rain God. It was cloudy and a good weather with no rain. A perfect sports day and a perfect start.

Small kids did march past which was a feast to the eyes. Those little kids with little steps. And then started the colour ful sports event with KG childern doing gymnastics..Wow!!!!

Then there was race...It was lovely watching Anannya running taking a stuffed toy and putting the toy back in a basket. And the wonderful thing is prizes were awarded to each participants. No Differentiation. Each one won a medal with a smile in their faces.

And then there was race for paretns. 400m running for fathers. I just couldnt stop laughing seeing the dads run. Most of them were like jogging. And then there was a race for mothers which was lucky round race. Anyways only Anannya got a medal :-).

It was a gala event and watching sports day as a parent is indeed a different kind of feeling. And there were proud moments to see our small darling daughter doing march past, participating in race and getting a medal. Just Amazing and brought in lots of nostalgia too :-).

Muje Rula diya woh...

The last three days.

After a really tiring day reached home on Thursday night hoping that a hug from my little princess will make everything okay. But she was down with fever and rash. I literally rushed to the opposite clinic and they asked me to take her to KK children hospital.The irony is that..its in Emergency section that it takes so much time to see the doctor. I was not able to carry her because in any way I carry she was feeling discomfort. I really missed the presence of my hubby.

Generally if my daughter is unwell he will be the cool head one trying to play with her and make her cheerful when all I do is to hug her and feel worried to death. I was trying really hard to keep my cool and trying to cheer her up. Finally after seeing the doc at around 11:15 I reached home at 11:45 with her. There were my friends who called me and gave me all the support.

As if the problem was not enough I started feeling really giddy in the cab. Probably because of the tiredness and since I kind of was fasting the whole day. I really dont know how I managed to reach home. Thank God.

These three days kind of have given me the realization of how much it is important for us to be healthy so that we can take care of our family. Its all a wrong timing that at the same time I had also got fever and I didnt know whether it might go to her.

The first week 2011

New Year indeed started with Wow!!! The count down and fire works at Marina bay was a feast for eyes. Our cousin also joined us and Anannya also enjoyed it. But after the day dawned wow..it already feels as if a year had passed by. So many things in just one week that I didnt find time to do any of the activities I had planned as part of New Year Resolutions.

One good thing is about our daughter having joined the Indian school (To write about it I definitely need a seperate post otherwise I wouldnt be doing justice to it) and the value add it had given is now no choice have to wake up early. So the last few days the moring reminds me of my school days...were my mom used to wake up early put rangoli take bath do pooja and when she wakes me up she would be fresh and the house will be filled with the aroma of incense sticks and some devotional song. Now our mornings are like the same and am blessed that my daughter is so eager to go to the new school that she didnt trouble much about brushing her teeth taking bath and eating breakfast. And I too feel really blessed now I have a chance again to do all these things myself. The joy of doing all this to our kid as a mom is indeed a bliss.

Apart from that the rest of my days so far was too much occupied with things happening at work. Mostly work related stress, I avoid carrying it home not to mess with the very few hours of am getting with my daughter and with my hubby. But somehow things at work is the only thing my mind is always pre-occupied with. Thinking about it again and again..replaying it again and again and again.

There is a saying..You dont have to always wait to learn from your mistakes, sometimes you can learn it from others mistakes as well. And I fall into the category where I dont learn from my mistakes itself. Well as long as you keep thinking with heart this problem will never get resolved and the lesson is never going to be learnt.

In the end there is one life and what comes as the priority is purely an individuals choice...Wow its so easy to write this. But with practical problems and in reality how difficult it is to follow it and to decide on our priority. At times the items that are least priority becomes a number 1 priority to us and we cant do much about it.


So ....New Year..New Beginning But Same Old Stories...!!!

What cannot be cured must be endured???!!!!

Happy New Year - Year 2011

Wishing You All A Very Happy and Fab New Year.

I wish and hope year 2011 will bring in lots of happiness, lots of love and brings some dreams into reality and add more meaning to life. I wish year 2011 brings peace and love to everyone and spreads happiness to everyone.

Year 2010. Well A recap is definitely needed otherwise how would we ever learn the lessons taught by the greatest teacher...Life.

2010 had been a year with good and bad, glad and sad moments. It was filled with love, friendship,happiness, excitements, disappointments, kodak moments and a grief a loss that could never be replaced with anything. At the end of all these, I would say that, I have become slightly more a little bit matured and slightly more (may be a micron???!!) responsible. Ofcourse it has also made me hyper tensed and my temper reaches the Evert Peak within seconds. In the end, I had learnt few things which I would like to tell myself again through this blog so I dont end up forgetting it.

Well High chance to forget because I never have the patience to read what I have written. And before I go to that, this year the first two days have already gone and I havent broken any of my resolutions yet :-)
(Ssshhhh!!!! I havent yet taken my resolution) Does that mean I have become more lazier by the end of 2010.

Okay coming back to the Lessons Learnt

I have learnt that its the simple things in life that fills our heart with immense happiness...A small hug, a good night kiss, To hear I love you from your loved ones,
To watch your kid sleeping comfortably, Giving gift to someone and watch them opening it with surprise,buying tissue paper from the old aunty near office and near MRT and watching their kodak smile, a thirty second prayer to God in solitude, Love of parents, a long distance call from a best friend,a lively chat,moments with friends, playing in rain and in water etc etc.

I have learnt that no matter how much you try if someone decided to blame you they would blame you anyways good or bad whatever it is.

I have learnt that even if you win an argument you actually dont win anything.

I have learnt that there is no forever in Love. Time and Circumstance has the power to change anything..Just Anything.

I have learnt that unconditional love do exists no matter what.

I have learnt that every second you spend with your kids are indeed the golden moments of life

I have learnt that some people would hate you anyways no matter what you do. So Ignore them anyways.

I have learnt that words are indeed powerful. They have the ability to pierce a heart and break into million pieces. And they do have the power to set it right once again though the crack still remains forever.

I have learnt that silence is golden. Trust Me.

I have learnt that for some are either destined with or blessed by only solitude. Do you know you can be lonely even in a crowd.

I have learnt that, its difficult only for the first few minutes to try and laugh when inside you feel like screaming and crying for help. And its better to share our happiness with others and not to share our pain with anyone. Everyone has only one life why spoil some moment of others life by our sadness.

I have learnt that Love is the healer of all pain followed by Time.

I have learnt that some lossess can never be avoided and the grief stays and oops it never goes away with time. Especially losing a loved one.

Actually the list goes on but am sleepy.

I am yet to take my new year resolutions. May be to take new year resolution should have been my resolution.

Year 2010 I had lost my ammamma. But she still stays alive in my thoughts and I still do talk to her in my most lonely moments. Are you listening ammamma.

After 14 years this year there was no new year celebration in Chennai. Feel sad about it actually.

Well coming to the glad moments, Anannya started her schooling in 2010 and completed her pre nursery graducation ceremony in December!!!! That was just a wow moment.

Well now. Bye Bye 2010.
Welcome 2011 and when you come(you already have come) but still bring in lots of good moments every second for the whole year!!!