Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Ageing Gracefully

Was telling my daughter about M S Subbulakshmi..the musical legend. Her voice..her expertise..her knowledge...and most of all her divinity..are incomparable.
When I showed her picture to my daughter I was looking at her. Just looking at her face was like bliss and you never get bored.

She never dyed her hair...never adorned any kind of make up..grey hair... Wrinkles..basic Indian attire..but her beauty comes from within which gives the everlasting glow in her.

One another person that comes to my mind is Mother Teresa. Always in simple white saree...yet her smile and her eyes that touches you with kindness fills the heart with a kind of peace that you can experience merely by looking at her.

My own maternal grandma..short but sweet..hard working...very strong character...She has taught me that taking rest means not lying down but doing something different. She is a very simple person..and always carried herself with beauty.

My paternal Grandma.. Is the one who is very disciplined.. Follows time strictly in everything she does. She used to look like the old actress Anjali.

When I think of ageing gracefully the first four persons that comes to my mind are them.

The best thing is they never tried to look younger which is one reason for their beauty. Beauty comes within. A beautiful heart..that has flawless love..a heart that can empathize.. a heart that can spread kindness..fairness..treats everyone around with equality gives on its own a glow which money can never buy..No cosmetic can match.

The gray hair is just the silverlining..that shows the maturity you had..Each wrinkle has a story of its own that shows the endurance..the happiness..the fear..the pain..the moments that has made you.

We don't grow old..We just grow up as long as we focus on living. Remember living doest mean not dying..it means living every moment to the fullest.

Age gracefully :-).

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Cinderella Man

My Cinderella man

Every girl needs her Cinderella Man
Princess or not
I found mine
My Cinderella man

He cares
He cares not just for someone
But for everyone
Not just for his parents or sister
Even for the distant friend who pester

My Cinderella man
He loves
He loves with all his heart and empathy
He understands with care and sympathy
He not only forgets and forgive
He goes beyond and gives you love

My Cinderella man
He is precious
He is precious and rare
He takes pain to make me feel better
When he knows all I had done is make him feel bitter
He is my best friend
He is my soulmate
And that is him
My Cinderella man

Tuesday, June 09, 2015

Sixty Things to You Mom on your 60th Bday

Sixty Things I Love About My Amma.
We can never define love in numbers and especially the unconditional love every mother has for their children can never be even expressed in words. Yet today is a special day. My mom's sixtieth Birthday. Happy Birthday amma. Really wish I could be with you to celebrate this special day for you. Love you mom. Love all the below about you and love all these beautiful moments.
1.A mother is depicted as a person with unconditional love, patience, tenderness, care and beauty. And me and my sister are so lucky that you are a blend of all those virtues. I am a mother now but yet there are times I lose my temper and at those times I immeidatley feel guilty because we both have been always testing your temper but yet you have hardly ever raised your voice and raising hands at kids is out of question for you. Thats the first thing I love about you amma. You have atmost paitence when it comes to kids but at the same time you can be the first person who gets angry whenever you see your kids get hurt. Love that quality mom.

2.Moms are beautiful for every child. But most of the time be it our cousins or in our school many times my friends have said wow, Is that your mom. She looks so pretty. And we give a big grin. You are always beautiful and your beautiful mind reflects in your face as well.

3.Your kindess to everyone. Not just my cousins from your siblings but you used to love even my cousins from Dad's siblings. And best thing is they all used to adore you.

4.I remember this when I was just 3 years old I guess. You wear wearing a green saree that has white flowers in it and was combing your hair and I was saying Mom why are you not wearing two plaits. Then you said after mariage women wont wear two plaits and I insisted you have to and you put two palits and showed me just for few minutes.I still remember how beautiful you looked. Love that beautiful moment.

5.Before Suji was born you used to teach me Maths and English. Mostly sundays afternoon especially just before Spider man starts in TV you used to ask me dictation words. I used to make sure I spell everything correct just to get your appreciation and hug.

6.I love the way how you used to comb my hair everyday morning before school and you used to laugh at any kind of silly jokes I say. I used to be feeling proud of myself for making you smile and laugh with me. Golden period.

7.Gold Medalist in MA Hindi Translation. How cool is that.After marriage and with kids, trying to do a post graduation on itself is challenging and you managed to get gold medal. I loved every single minute of your exam preparation. One thing is you had taken leave so you were at home and the way you used to write and study was always an admiration for us.

8.You are so lucky amma as ammamma was always close by. I have always admired your bondage with ammamma and thoramma.

9.Santhoshimatha vrath. I am not sure at that age, why you did that. But I loved the way you used to sincerely do the pooja and especially the tasty food you cook on that day as you cannot take anything sour.

10. Baba Bhajans. Most of the time in the sunday we used to go to Baba bhajans and you rarely accompany us. But it is fun when you accompany for the Bhajan. It always feel good. Just your presence makes happy.

11.Most of the times especially in those rainy days when it becomes dark soon, and if you are not come from office, we both missed you a lot and go and hug your saree and feel little better.

12.Our school. I felt so proud that we both actually studied in same school. Sometimes when I tell them you also studied in the same school and if the teacher happens to remember you it was just awesome.

13.I love the way how you seem to be cool for most of the things. Stress and tension were out of question. If me or Suji gets sick you take care of us without the tension part.

14.Whether you believe it or not I love your cooking amma.Especially the rasam rice and crispy potato fry...Yummmyyyyy!!!!

15.And the other best thing about you is me or Suji we never have to sugarcoat anything. We can just tell anything and everything to you and be sure that you will not get angry and you will never. You forgive us so easily and never complain. We are very sorry for all the times we have hurt you.

16.All rounder You.How can one person be the Finance Secretary of Hindi Prachar Sabha and can same time be a warden of hostel. Esp round the clock work with absolutely no support from me and Suji. Always amazing.

17.And the other biggest surprise is you being so innocent hardly ever raise your voice am still surprised how you managed auditors your team at work and represented DBHPS even in court cases. Wow amma. Never can stop adimiring those qualities of yours.

18.We had golden period in Hindi prachar sabha quarters. Whenever I used to come to your work place, its a proud feeling. You are always surrounded by people who keep asking you doubts and who also come and play with us.

19.Do you remember our own house in mudichhur road. The grahapravesam we had. Though you and dad bought something very simple for yourselves you managed to get me a nice dress for it. I remember the saffron full skirt with jari border and how I adored wearing it. Touched by yours and Dad's sacrifice forever mom

20.Falling sick used to be fun as whenever we are sick the attention you shower on us was amazing.

21.The time I had to join college on the first day I was really really nervous and was worried about ragging. And you had accompanied me on the first day which gave me the courage I required.

22.The time I was working in SBI, every weekend you used to send me boxes of my favorite dishes and the weekend I come home I get treated like some queen. Adore you mom for that.

23.Waking up late demanding for a coffee, not even moving a spoon around , anytime asking for favorite dish to be cooked, never even once asked if you were tired after a long day at work instead the minute u come home we both used to ask what are you going to do for us. Always it has been what you do for us never once we asked what we should do for you. All that realization hit us when we got married and have our own kids amma.

24.Taking care of self is a must. That is one important lesson you have taught us to take care of ourselves though we never do it in reality especially after we have kids.

25.With Dad being too orthodox I know you are the one who even convinced him for my first onsite trip. That gave me quite a freedom and exposure and even now provided a strong base for my career.

26.When I got my tenth results and I missed the school first in 2 marks you too cried with me and you wanted to bring the whole world to console me.

27.Do you remember all our festivals amma. Especially Diwali. The beautiful rangoli you put your artistic talent is something I always adore of. How patiently and how big a rangoli you used to put. That is the first thing that brings in the festive look. And we celebrate with wonderful food and then visit ammammas house and it was always fun.

28.And because of you we were blessed with four wonderful uncles. you are lucky to have four brothers amma. Each one of us have touched my life in a very different yet unique way. Blessed we are for that.

29.Along with your beautiful art work you have a wonderful voice amma. The songs you sing to put us to sleep when we fall sick are so soothing for our soul. Even now I sing chinna pappa to both Anannya and Ramana but never can match your voice.

30.Active Forever. The other thing is I have never seen you tired.I Know you cant stay awake after 8.30 pm to the most. But you wake up early and till you go to bed you are busy like a bee. So am not sure who gave me and suji the lazy character ;-).

31.Certain people add beauty in everything they do. That is what is you when it comes to your work at office, your singing, your drawings and especially your handwriting. You have one of the best handwrirings in Hindi, English and Tamil . I cant comment about Telugu as I dont know the script though.

32.Your Devotion. Your strong faith in God is something that has always given moral support to us amma. Sometimes when life treats us badly I remember how mom could have dealt with this. Then I know I should just leave all my problems to God. And that lesson is taught by you and dad.

33.Have you ever been strict with us. Absolutely No. Never ever you have been strict and that is what is so good about you.

34.100% Greatness 0% Pride. They say empty vessel makes more noise. I have seen many people who even though they know less they talk more. Pass opinion and Judgement on anything and everything. But look at you. You were the joint secretary of the leading organization and yet I have never seen you brag about it. In a group discussion even though people who know nothing keep talking crap you used to be silent and just listen. A very valuable lesson but hard to practise though.

35.My marriage. I guess it is one of the grandest weddings that ever took place in our family. And I was in some dream world shopping for all costly sarees and stuff. Never once asked you or Dad how you are managing the expenses. Even now feel guilty about that behaviour. But you both made my dream come true and gave the best possible wedding any girl can dream of.

36.My first Child. It is indeed a golden period to return to your parents house for pregnancy and I had the best of the best times amma, during Anannya's pregnancy. I was lavished with care and love and always got whatever I wanted rather demanded :-).

37.Love for Grand child :- It was beautiful to see you bonding with my kids and I adore every minute of it. I love it when you tell stories. You tell it so well and am glad my kids get to listen to them.

38.Your first Advice :- After my marriage the first thing you told me is I should treat my inlaws with respect and care. I should never let a single drop of tear come from their eyes. I should treat my Sister in law as my own and the more I keep her happy my kids will be happy. I dont know how many moms give such advice these days. But you do everytime since day 1 of my marriage till now the same thing. And we do follow it :-).

39.The best of the times I ever had is last year when you had come for Ramana's delivery. The few months we spent, is probaly the first time we spent quite a time talking. I never had the chance before as I was always outside home for work. And every day the time we spent talking, the stories you shared are all beautiful moments that I cherish forever amma.

40.YOu and Dad. The way you care for Dad, the way you express what you wanted to tell the way you be polite and the way you keep your patience it is all unique and since both of you have same interests I love it wheny you both sometimes fight with each other .

41.Sometimes when it comes to kids, you forget everything. I have seen that when you had continously crying during my appendicits and when Suji was admitted in Andhra hospital. You were strong yet tender.

42.When you went for Sujatha's delivery to hospital I got so worried. And then when I saw the baby and you, I was awewd looking at the small baby. But then I remember climbing the bed and sleeping with you. After that when DAd took me home he got me a new snake and ladder but by the time it was night, I was still crying as I missed you a lot and slept crying.

43.Brindavan Gardens trip was the best trip I remember as a child. We had real fun and it was a wonderful period.

44.Do you remember our Ooty trip. Especially we stayed in the quarters and tasted all those yummy teas and hot breakfast. Another fun time we spent amma.

45.When it comes to ammamma, during her last days you were there with her helping her and supporting her. You made it easier for her amma.

46.Whenver we go to any trip amma, when we come back home so tired, me and suji will rush to bed and keep saying mom we are hungry. We never think even you are tired. But you will make our fav curry and rasam and even papad so we can have good dinner after a tiring trip.

47.Whenever we get sick we used to get excited but even if you lie down with common cold we get terribly scared amma. That is something which we never told you. Stay healthy always.

48.Write Write and Write. I love the way how you enjoy writing amma. Whether it is the slokas or songs or even just sriramajayam you take effort and even tthat small thing you do with sincereity.

49.Excellence is when you do small things with great love and that is exactly how you do things amma. Every small thing be it at your work or even if it is a grocerly list you do it with great care.

50. Remember your 50th birthday amma. I asked all my friends to write you a card. And we made sure you received 50 post cards. It was an awesome feeling. And not only that, the first salary I got and the first saree I got for you is always special for me and close to my heart.

The last 10 things I want to tell you is amma, what I learnt more about your love and about your sacrifice is when I myself became my mom.

51.I understood that even when I feel tired to the core, when my kids need something I somehow get all the energy in the world and that is exactly how you were and I appreciate it more now. I understand how I never thought of helping you or even asking you if you were tired when I was with you.

52.I understood that no matter how old I am and it doesnt matter if I have my own kids, the minute I step into my mom's house I will be treated as a kid and get pampered.I love that special treatment amma.

53.I understood that when my kids argue with me it actually did hurts and same way I might have hurt you a lot with my know all attitude never realizing it might have hurt your feelings. I am sorry for that amma and thank you for never really making a scene of all those.

54.I understood that sometimes I did want to eat that last piece of papad or cake but I still give it up for my kids and the same way how you have done all those days for us and I have no words to express how I feel about it.

55.I undersood that inspite of feeling sleepy and dead tired I still wake up early if my kids have to be up early and thanks for those innumerable times be it my exams or be it I am feeding my young ones, you have woken up at 4 am or so just to make that freshly brewed coffee.

56.I understood that at times even I need my own me time but hardly ever get time to have that the same way you might have longed for it and I respect your sacrifice amma.

57.TV Remote was our birth right when I was young. Now I hardly get turn and I hardly have time and I hardly care. But I know that sometimes even if you wanted to see something different and if you have had the time you didnt bother just so we can have fun.

58.I understood that the many times when you were not well and all you need to do was to rest you were still up and running for the sake of us.

59.I understood that there are times when you really missed your siblings and your parents and just wanted a break with them but ever since I was there, I have never seen you taken a break like that amma.

60.Most of all, I understand and realize that you mean the world to me just like how my life partner and my kids mean to me. Never less. Never More. Love you a lot amma and wish you the most wonderful Birthday ever. Love you.

Monday, November 17, 2014

I Me Myself

One two three four five and six... Well that's the countless number of times I have counted the number of poles in the window. When you have nothing to do nothing to keep you busy this is how you keep yourself busy. May be I should start counting the number of  revolutions of the fan.

 Oh I hear some foot steps. Whenever I hear foot steps I am filled with three different emotions at the same time. First there is a hope that may be some near and dear one is here to visit me. Near one oh come on who am I fooling. To my knowledge this home is far off from city. Dear ones now that's a million dollar question.

Secondly there is a feeling of embarrassment. It feels quite weird to have myself cleaned by some third person. But well at least that would make the stench of self tolerable. Oh how I long for a hot shower. How I never took time to enjoy the shower when I could. Now the third strongest feeling is fear. Fear if it is he footsteps of the God of death. Fear of unknown.

I was wrong. It was none of them. Someone walked past my room. I think the feeling of I the ego the pride all of it stays with us as long as we are healthy. With old age the most fearful feeling is to be left alone. To be without partner. The only thing am left with now is the feeling of I and some memories.

If I replay my life from the beginning I am left with an overwhelming feeling of guilt and if nots and buts and if onlys. I was blessed with everything. Good Parents, Partner, Job, Kids, Health and a decent income. But I never waited to count my blessings. Where I could have been busy loving people I was too much busy judging people and holding grudges. Well like I said if you are blessed with everything you are left with too much of pride and ego.

I am The Husband and the minute I married I felt that is enough qualification for me to judge and to guard my wife. I was constantly trying to make her a better person (well now I realize she was always from the beginning a better person) and in that process I forgot the hurt I was inflicting on her. I admired her care for me and I have secretly felt amazed at her enthusiasm in going out of the way in making every festival a memorable one. She was never tired of having guests and infact without her my house would remain a mere house not a home. But did I take time to let her know that? No..Sadly we always take for granted the people who matter the most. I never thought it is even required to let her know that I loved her and I thought I should never make her my priority. What if  people brand me as being henpecked. May be she left this world without even knowing I did love her.

My kids. Kids are meant to be naughty. Kids are meant to be messy. Kids are those who add meaning to our lives. I know it but didn't realize it. I was constantly yelling at them to make sure the house is free of mess and the wall is free of their scribbling and demanding the respect in every turn of their lives. In the end I achieved what I wanted out of force but I lost their love for me. Where I should have showed them how to live with my actions I was using words.

There is no point in doing things but what is important is doing the right thing at the right time.
I was born a human being but failed in being human. I used to feel the most important person around me is me, myself and then put everyone else after me.Now in the end when am waiting for my end am here all alone in this room counting my days .

Oh I hear footsteps again. And this time it is oh wait. Its dark in the night. No one around. Why am I hearing foot steps. Did I tell you whenever I hear footsteps I am filled with three different emotions all at the same time.....

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Raksha Bandhan - Part 5

You might have watched in movies how a poor hero will become super rich in one song...Honestly that's how my wedding took place within 2 weeks. As usual they matched horoscopes and when they had to find a date for engagement n wedding either the wedding should happen in 2 weeks or we got to wait another 8 months. I was OK to wait...thought to have a sweet courtship days...But Maddy was so keen for within 2 weeks.. I was thrilled seeing him desperate...but mom n dad were under tremendous pressure...thanks to my dear brother who gave them all support.

Trust me in those 2 weeks I could hardly talk to Maddy...I had to do shopping , invite friends, apply leave , pack stuff as after wedding 2 weeks we will be in Banglore and nothing decided on what to do after ...My sensible brother did tell me to discuss with Maddy about it but I wanted to postpone that discussion. So with all due hectic work the marriage is done and we were now sitting in train going to Banglore.

Generally I prefer sitting in window seat and reading a book in train. Pranav used to irritate me but it was fun. This time mom dad n Pranav were sitting opposite to me. I was sitting next to window and Maddy was sitting next to me and was busily chatting with his mom who sat next to him. I was kind of feeling very lonely .. Going to a new place and I suddenly felt like a stranger to my own family.. Mom and dad looked very tired..the two weeks had taken its toll on them...I felt like crying..I saw Pranav who was looking at me with a caring look.. I managed to smile ...
Madan... Yar come let's go to the food cabin and get some hot elaichi tea... Shalu loves it .. He winked :-)
My Mil reacted first.. My son don't like coffee or tea...
Pranav expected Maddy to say something but he smiled and nodded to his mom..
I started getting more worried... Have I put myself in trouble..But thankfully Maddy put his arms around me and said let me taste the chai for Shalu likes it ...
Come Pranav let's go get it.. Uncle , Aunty will u have some as well...
I felt relieved :-)
My dear queen Shalu.. U also come to buy ... Coz we need helping hands..
More than me Pranav looked happy :-)
Finally we reached Banglore and I stepped into the new house which would become my home!!!!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Raksha Bandhan - Part 4

There were tears in my eyes...OMG it was just a dream..well no nightmare I would say...I couldn't sleep properly and was indeed very nervous.
Now read what I said before everything happened in a same way...we were waiting for more than 15 minutes and they finally arrived. Oh no indeed he looked very very handsome ... He gave me a smile and became busy chatting with Pranav...I liked it and his mom My god she was looking at me so intensely like I felt as if she is peeling me with her eyes. Oh God is it a rule that you may not like your MIL at the first sight.Finally they let me and Madhan ( after yesterdays nightmare dont want to call him Maddy) to speak and gave some time on our own.
He said hey Shalu .. Hope it's ok to call u like that. I want to tell you something serious.
I felt like a replay and merely nodded...
He continued I don't know why when I saw you at Arjun's place I was like you know dumbfounded. I am actually bit reserved .. Don't know how to live life :-) you were amazing... So happily chatting with everyone ... Pulling everyone... Playing with kids... Serving food... Taking care of elders...being with groom... Dancing beautifully... U were like everywhere at the same time ... Really Great...I just fell in love with it and I hope you will teach me to live my life being with me... But only if you want to...
From the time am here you were like nervous or looked tensed ... Are you ok... U don't like me????
I blushed... Immediately I told him about the dream and all that tension I had.. Oh no am really a chatter box...
But he made me feel comfy...
Pranav.. Sorry to disturb but it's been an hour now and may be you guys can continue later..
We smiled and without forgetting exchanged our numbers. I saved it as Maddy :-)

Monday, February 11, 2013

Being Mom

Being mom - A working mom
It feels blessed lying next to my daughter and seeing her having a peaceful sleep cuddling me. If being a mom is blessing being a working mom ... Am not sure if it is a blessing. You feel guilty if you don't spend required time with the kids. Indeed being a working mom is quite challenging...
There is a clash between an important meeting at work and a informal meeting at school. I wouldn't really want to miss anything at my daughter school but then when u go late you get to face your boss's wrath :-)
Apart from that there are quite a number of stuff to send on time. Then comes another biggest challenge of what to pack for lunch. Is it healthy... Is it tasty...will she like it..
And then comes the homework... By the time you reach home n fresh up and feed dinner n have dinner it is 9 pm and the kid is toooo sleepy. You then start doing homework then really it ends up being stressful..
So how to make it less stressful...
1.cook only once better in the morning so when u return home you can spend whatever energy left on kids
2.Keep uniform , lunch box and all school stuff ( including socks) ready the previous night
3.No matter what see the school bag the first thing u go home to see what homework or instructions are there so you can plan your time
4.Better to avoid TV and better to talk to them and find what's happening in school
5.Make friendship with her friends moms. This would become blessing.. I couldn't do it still coz of work timings
6.Better to be a member of school parent club so you get first hand information
7. Make sure the kid sleeps by 9 so you have an hour to prepare for next day
8. Take enough rest in bus/train when you commute ..thats ur me time
9.Make sure to sleep 8 hours
10.better to have an hourly plan for working days.
So all the best to all those working moms !!!!