My World

In My small world,
I waited for a friend
To share, who cares,
To whom I mattered,
And with whom I can laugh..
To be Myself..
To be a friend..
Some came..and Some went..
Everyone were like passer by...

So I made my world of friends
Who were there forever with me..
Rain,
Beach,
Books,
Music,
Poetry,
Clouds,
Trees,
Buds and Flowers...
Became my friends..in my small world..
And then..
You came...
Where Rain poured happiness..Your words
Brought ecstasy...
Where waves swept me away..Your presence did the same..
Where Books shared knowledge...You shared the same with me..
Where Music gave bliss, your songs and singing did the same.
Where Poetry gave a lift to heart, your eyes and the love in it gave it to me...
Where clouds gave me a wonder to watch..I still wonder at your marvel..
Where Trees gave shade to me...the warmth and shade to share with you everything..gave to me..
Where flowers brought fragrance...you...just you filled my life with it...
And then now my small world..has just you..
for you became my world.

Navarathiri celebrations

Navarathiri!!! A festival which always brings lots and lots of excitment because it is the only festival which we celebrate for almost ten days. This time for the first time in I managed to keep nine steps. And especially I made our daughter who is only 2 years old also to pariticpate in the keeping and arranging of dolls. Later it was nine tough days to make sure that she doesnt touch those dolls or touch the lamps lighted.

I think the next generation would eventually lose interest in all of these festivals and also even now, may be the excitment we had and the thrill of these festivals are slowly dying. So many reasons may be, before for example, festival would bring the thrill of meeting relatives, friends and getting new dressess and then making variety of dishes to eat and all that. But now its a different story. We really do not wait for a festival to buy dress. Its all whenever I feel like buying I buy kind. And in this busy world who has time to keep golu or call friends and all that.

Now that reminds me the time I was young the navarathiri excitement will start the moment we start removing the dolls. We lived in a 2 room house, me my sis, parents and grand parents. And my grandma and pa were very orthodox. EVery year during navarathiri we will buy a doll definitely and breaking a doll is considered a bad sign , so you can imagine how many dolls we had, all traditional ones and big and old idols of almost all Gods. The fun would start when my grand pa and dad try and bring the big wooden box having the idols. Then since all these idols would be wrapped in clothes me and my sis will have a guessing game of which idol was it and seeing some of the idols would even bring some fresh memories.

After that in that small room, we would try and keep 3 steps and fight and argue for where to keep which doll. While me and my sis are busy in this, my mom and granny would be making mouth watering dishes. Since my grand ma was there, she would make some prasadam almost every day for the nine days. That is one thing that changed after she passed away.later though we keep my mom would call friends only in the weekend. Then we make park and a mountain. We used to put corriander and mustard seeds there and me and my sis would really wait hours in front of the hill to see when the first leaf come out of the seed. But never we have succeeded in the attempt.

Then, everyday evening we would dress up traditionally and mostly I would dress up my sis as krishna or Radha then we would go to all neighbours house, and most of them would have kept golu. They would ask us to sing, we will sing take the prasadam and then invite them to our house. Wow it will be a great 9 days. And once it is over,there will be a sadness when we pack and keep the dolls back as if it were a farewell.

Navarathiri is one festival, when me and my sis would also get a new dress. Mostly it would be the traditional dress of full skirt and blouse and then lots of papads to eat :) and lots and lots of sweets and snacks. But once my grandma passed way, time changed my mom was working so she never had time to make them at home she would buy from shop and then it was not like daily having people visit us. It would be only in the weekend we would also go to others house to visit for navarathiri ad to invite them also to our house. Slowly its kidn of became mechanical. But atleast still there was a nice time to have time to get in touch with relatives and friends in the name of festival and then in the end its all about sharing and caring.

so now this time, I finally managed to keep 9 steps and did the pooja i know of. I hope my daughter likes it and understands the importance of our culture and the variosu festivals we have.

So wishing all of you a belated navarathiri wishes and advance diwali wishes.

Lonely Nites...

Sitting Beside the window
I was looking at the moon.
Without the stars around
Even the moon looked gloomy.

I was searching for words
Which could heal the heart.
When I heard the words,
Which actually broke it apart.

I did smile, I looked happy,
Though it ached for there is pain.
I did talk, I even sang,
For all these aches let it just be mine.

Every cloud has silver lining,
And the end of tunnel there is a light.
All I need to do is stop whining
coz when i think of you it brightens even my night.

Time would change, People will change,
When there is love, there is hope.
And when I see you, you are my sun,
All my fears melt away and elope :)


Well i see a star there..
Just beside the moon.
Lonely nites just passed away
Ur friendship is a boon.

Mother Teresa.

Today is september 5th and it brings back memories of Mother Teresa. Agnese Gonxhe who really was a rose bud who blossommed many peoples lives. On september 5th 1997 when she became immortal, she has left Missionaries of Charities with more than 4000 sisters and over 100000 volunteers who still server the poor and give sheltor to sick and homeless people.If not everyday atleast on September 5th may be we should try and do some charity is what I decided then on 5th september 1997.

I still remember the day. I was in college and it was Friday. When we just came out from prayers is when we heard the news of Mother Teresas demise. It came as a big shock though we knew that she was not well. But that was a big loss, a real big loss to humanity. We just couldnt control our tears. She was like a role model and someone who taught to see God in all beings. Someone who taught to love fellow human beings.

A person who has made difference to innumerable lives. Well whenever I think to write about Mother..I become wordless and my thoughts just goes blank. It still brings back the pain of losing her. But at the same time it reminds that we have a duty to do apart from taking care of our own lives and our family apart from that a bit of us belong to service. Atleast to make difference in one person life whom we do not know. That is what is a true service right.

I feel sad and irritated to see people spending on event shows which doenst add any value to anybodys life. For example last week in NDTV they showed a village where everyone are starving because of failure in harvest. The kids there have only bones left and mothers are crying thinking of what to feed their kids and what to feed themselves. I was telling my husband that atleast let us send some money. So we enquired NDTV on the address and trying to get some details. Immediately after that program there was a program where people are celebrating MJ's birthday after he has died. I know MJ has made a difference in people lives because of his music and dance. But where living becomes a question mark in some lives I dont know how could we spend millions on a birthday party of a person who is no more. What differnece it makes to whom. I still am not able to understand. May be am wrong too.

Anyways..I think its very important that every individual try to bring a difference in others lives. We need not be mother Teresa but atleast we can be a human being who understand fellow human beings and atleast if not every day, atleast one day to think about others those who are less fortunate and try to bring some happiness to them.

After 97, every 5th has become a day which would make me a little sad about Mother Teresa and also reminds me that Serivce to humanity is service to God. Also today is teachers day a day which is really special because for me Right from my LKG, my class teacher was Bavani till my college Mahalakshmi mam every person has been a memorable ones because of their service of their dedicatoin and commitment and enlightening us with knowledge.

Wishing all of you a happy teachers day and also wishing everyone to know that they are special and they can make others special too .

Those Few Rain Drops

A beautiful Evening....
And clouds send some rain drops
To kiss the earth.

Standing beside the window,
Am also getting wet enjoying
the sprinkles of those few drops.


And then I watch...
As the drizzle becomes rain...

Birds looking for their nests..
People looking for some shelter..
Kids looking to get drenched for some more time...
Trees looking at each other dancing...
Flowers looking down to say bye to trees...
But my heart is looking just for you.

Those few rain drops
That adds beauty to the evening..
Those few rain drops
That brings moments of happiness
Those few rain drops
Thats make my life beautiful..
With each drop sprinkling on me
Bring you in my thoughts.

So now those few rain drops are special
As each rain drop
seems like a message you send.

Wish there are forever rain drops
Wish you are forever mine.

Coffee with Anu

Well. This is not like Coffee with Karan(star) or Koffee with Anu(Vijay TV). This topic is dedicated to my all time favorite drink Coffee :). As I just start thinking about it only, I could feel the aroma of coffee seeds brewing and decotion filtering.

I was not actually a coffee girl. My life started as a complan girl because I was lean, thin and puny. Infact I myself used to make fun of me saying the only weight I have gained so far is head weight. So my parents made sure that I drink complan. But did I drink. Well thats a different story. I hated milk and complan is something I hated the most. But no choice. Have to drink.Then I found a way out. Our house where I lived was a single bedroom house but outside we had a big garden with coconut trees, banana trees and even many crotons and parijatham(No idea in english) flowers..So there used to be one small banana tree which never grew. So I thought it needed the complan more than I need. So everyday after my mom gives me complan I used to take it out to drink and silently pour it to the banana tree. You wont believe actually it worked. The young small banana tree actually grew.I think complan might be a good fertilizer. Try the strawberry flavour.

Oops..Deviation. Now coming back to coffee..So every day morning when my mom puts the filter for coffee, the aroma of it, I just couldnt resist my tempation. But no..kids do not drink coffee!!! Then in my ninth standard holidays I went to my aunts house. Its in a town. Kind of a mini village. There I was the youngest and my aunt adores me a lot. So I get the full pamperings. And though my mom packed me my complan also in my luggage I convinced my aunt for a coffee. So daily I used to wake up around 5:30 with her and she will make decotion and the filter coffee. Wow!!!! And I used to take two cups one for me and one for laziest cousin and used to wake him up also and go to terrace. Just imagine...Filter coffee in hand and in terrace watching the sun rising..Its heaven in earth kind.

After that when I came back and was in 10th standard with Public exams and all that, My parents gave in for my coffee craze. And coffee especially the first coffee which my mom makes is the best.Actually after making the coffee, you should make it once the decotion is ready and warm and milk is warm with the right mix. If you warm it up later after making its gone. Just the way I used to love the best coffee, I hate the coffee which is not good even slightly. So according to me the best coffee is the coffee that too the first coffee made in the morning by my mom.

And then take the coffee sit near the window play your favorite song. If music is divine, then music plus coffee is well what would you call when its more than divine.

My grandma also makes good one but it would be too light.

After that the next good one I tasted is in a restaurant in pondy bazar. Well I have tasted coffee right from road side canteens to five star hotels in chennai. But the best I liked is in Balaji Bavan in pondy bazar in chennai.

Me and my friend Jayanthi and Priya at times almost most of the times after college used to walk till the hotel and have coffee. Every sip I enjoyed there.

Then it was coffee day. Well,all the time in balaji bavan and all the price of coffee is manageable. it was 2 ruppees. But later when I shifted to banglore working for accenture, that is when I started going to coffee day. Actually I liked the name coffee day. And also the coffee was good quite good because they grind it freshly and make but quite costly. But worth it too.

Then I had come to singapore. That is when I had learnt of the word latte!!! And then the star bucks. Wow I became a instant fan of starbucks. My mornings are always bliss just to think about star bucks. I loved to work in MT and so everyday I used to take a coffee latte and go to MT. And in weekends, where I stayed there was a library near and inside the library there was star bucks. So first I used to pick my favorite book then take my favoite latte and then go to ECP beach. I had one favorite reserved for me . A rock near the pond which no one would have noitced. At times I even enjoy being alone too.

And ya..the flavor of coffee can be 100 times better if you have best company also. Right now am missing someone too much and it really aches to miss some one. So well now, I am going to prepare a coffee for myself and play my favorite song sit near the window and enjoy my coffee with someone speical in my thoughts. So let me stop here.

Would you care for a coffee with Anu?

Life Is Beautiful

Aroma of Filter coffee,
Blossoming Buds,
Chirping Birds,
Daughter's Voice calling me amma,
Enchanting divine music,
Fragrance of Fresh air,
Grassess kissed by dew drops,
Heavenly Breeze
Interesting Small Talks,
Joyful Dance,
Kindness around,
Lovable Friend,
Merriful Moments,
Nice weather,
Optimistic People,
Pleasant atmosphere,
Queer Thoughts,
Radiant You,
Surprise Rain,
Tendor thunder,
Understanding you(again),
Vivacious Spirit,
Windy Weather,
eXcellent View,
Yearning To see you(Even that!!!) And am
Zealous of You That makes my
Life Beautiful.

Happy Independence Day

Wishing All Of You A Very Happy Independence Day

Unless You are Me

Be it a movie or Be it a song,
Be it a novel or Be it a magazine,
Be it am cooking or Be it am cleaning,
Be it am dancing or Be it am singing,
Be it am chatting or Be it am working,
Be it is related or Be it is not related,
Whatever Be it is, You are being in it...
There is nothing in which you arent there,
and Not a moment passess without you..
You could understand that if and only if
You are Me.

My Magazines..

We went to Mustafa yesterday for the weekly gorcs shopping. And I went to magazine section as usual. Well Reading is my hobby

and I wouldnt miss some of my favorite magazines. So when I get a chance to go to Mustafa, I try to buy them. And to my

surprise yesterday I saw WISDOM.

WISDOM though is considered as childrens magazine, it has lot of useful stuff for elders. I used to read it when I was young.

They were golden period. I got the magazine for my daughter.

Okay now that brings back lot of memories related to my crazy reading. When I was in school, I used to read Gokulam and

wisdom. And my parents would bring that only in the summer holiday time. So it would be only for 2 months. And after that

they started a public library near my house. But unfortunately there werent much of kids magazines that time.
But still most of the time, I used to borrow the books from the library and then I started saving money to buy my favorite

magazine.


It started with Gokulam and WISDOM and then slowly to TINKLE,CSR and Womans ERA, Readers Digest, India today and so on.
So even now I spend quite a lot on buying these magazines (Poor hubby!!!)

At times when I start reading I will never be able to close it without completing it. Many times I had been inspired to write

something to these magazines..But well why scare others. And when I start reading at times, I used to hide below the bed and

read. But the best of moments will be to sit beside the window when its raining and sipping MOM made coffee. Especially it

would be more divine when I had troubled my mom enough for the coffee.

Reading especially from books gives trememendous pleasure. Be it a magazine or novel its the best company a person could

have. Whether it enlightens your mind or provoke your thoughts or just takes you to a world of imagination whatever be it,

its a very good hobby.

With internet around and laptops becoming a necessity habit of reading is slowly vanishing. Guess very soon our future

generation would be seeing books in a museum.

You might ask what difference it makes to read a book or browse the same in net or your personal laptop. Well it makes a lot

of difference. The very best thing about books well especially when you buy it new wow!!! the fragrance. When I was young for

my school text books, I always buy the second hand books from my seniors or in a place called Luz there is a big old book

shop which we can browse through and get our books. So that way I used to miss the new text book fragrance. Infact I had

longed for it. At times I even used to pray that the syllabus should change so I can get new books :)
Well I was very immatured.

Ooops. Am deviating from the topic.

Yeah the first best thing I love about books is the fragrance. The next thing is well about turning the pages and keeping a

book mark and ofcourse carrying it wherever you want even in a bus and sitting next to window seat and reading. It definitely

wont spoil my eyes. At times after long time of sitting in front of computer have made my eyes tired but never reading a big

book has made me fall tired.

I generally prefer to gift books to my friends. And going to book shop is definitely a turn on for me. Music and Reading are

like two eyes for me.


After I joined my first job and got my first salary the first thing I did is to go to Landmark...My dream shop. And I got my

favorite books my favorite poem books and a fiction book. And after that it became a regular practise. Whenever I happen to

got a new place I always make it a point to buy a book. And I have quite a big list of to read books always.
The latest one is well a book by Bipin Chandra.


So let me stop her and keep reading....:)

True Lies

Right now...
I am not thinking about you,
I do not miss you,
I am not expecting any message from you.

Right now...
Your presence would make no difference,
Your call is just another call,
Your thoughts do not disturb me.

Right now...
I do not expect to see you..
I do not long to talk to you..
I am not waiting for you..

And these are what you call

TRUE LIES...

Tata Bye Bye See You

When I was young, we were staying in a place which was near the railway track. Basically, from our house backyard we can sit and watch the trains. And that time me and my sister will go and stand in the backyard and keep waving bye bye to every train that pass by hoping someone will return us the bye :). But it never happened like that and the only thing that happened was we shifted our house.
Because of that disappointment, I had taken a oath that if at all I travel in train and if I see any kids waving I would respond back by waving back a tata byebye see you :)
And luckily my first job I got was in tambaram and every day I had to take a train from Mamabalam to Tambaram, It would be atleast easily thirty plus minutes journey and almost 6 to 7 stops in between. And I used run and catch the train and will always stand near the exit door for two reasons.
One thing is I love the breeze flowing on my face and second most important thing is to keep my oath. And to my shock, again I was the one who was disappointed. Throught out the journey I never noticed a single baby waving to the train. Time changed may be..This continued for a week and I got so frustrated that I thought I would start taking bus instead of train.
(I know it would sound so silly but still...Life is not a big thing right..its again made up of so many small things ;))
And then it happened. As I took the train and when the train was reaching sanitorium the stop which I was about to get down, I saw a mom feeding her child showing the train and the kid was showing bye bye to the train???. Thats it...I just dropped the file I was holding and literally was waving a BIG BYE BYE for the kid. I dont have words to explain the excitement I had..Even now I feel so while writing this. The happiness in fulfilling one kids wish is really ectasy. After that we had a group in the train going regularly to same place and somehow everyone understood the childhood disappointment I faced and everyone started waving to that kid regularly. And infact the kids name later I learnt as Gayathri and we became friends too.
So anytime you see a baby waving at you, dont think if you know the kid just wave back. Its priceless and you are making a kid happy :)

Its Raining. Its pouring

Phewwwww!!!! That was amazing.

Let me explain. We went for a tea break in office and then suddenly it became cloudy.
The weather was too good..Just too good..And then it suddenly started pouring heavily and with a loud breeze...Wow is this what you call as heaven on earth.
Just imagine, the lovely breeze spreading coolness and the little drops dripping on the face and when you have good company is this not heavenly.

I love the bus journey with window seat especially if there is a lovely breeze blowing. I had enjoyed it in solitude when I was working in bank in a village.

It was the same today. It was just for a precious few minutes that I could enjoy this. But still it changed the whole mood I was in. It just vanished my headache..

If I were not going back to Office, nothing at all could have stopped me going and dancing in a rain and yeah would be more fun if I could get a cone strawberry icecream and play a nice song in my IPOD and dance. Who cares on who is going to watch you ;)

Oh...Nostalgia...it reminds me of the silly college days and not silly village days and even some days in Singapore. Mostly when I walk back home from college and if it rains, its a daily event of getting drenched in rain and later back home drenched in thunder storm from dad :) And I have never missed an icecream in rain. How crazy But that I still am.
Guess this is what you call "Money cant buy everything" :)
And in college I had my best friend Jayanthi, who also a little crazy like me. Poor she. Just because she happen to be my best friend tolerated me a lot but yeah we do shared a great wavelength.

Then in village, I was living in a hut actually. There was a small hill(well u cud actually call it a rock) and whenever it drizzles, I will be there. With my favorite Bharathiyar poem book I just walk and sit on the top of the rock and hoping that I shouldnt be disturbed. But it would not last more than 10 minutes The place would fill with school kids.
They would keep asking me to teach them to sing(?????!!!!!! ha ha poor kids) dance and how many games to play. It was a great life. But it couldnt last long because ooppssss...I became very busy with work!!!

Okay..dragging me back to present.

Wow it Rained....

Just as the drops of rain sprinkled on me..
Thoughts of you tinkled me.

Just when the cool breeze waved thru my ear...
I hope thoughts of mine you could hear.

Just when the lightening spread a light of happiness
Your presence fills my day with brightness.

Rain may vanish, Rain may go away
But you would remain close to my heart always.
(Note => Not a stolen stuff!!!)

Moral

I was rushing home from office, since I got a call from home that my daughter was not well. Leaving her and going to office is a every day trauma, but especially when she is not well then how could you put it in words the ache you feel in your heart.

Well coming back to the original story, it was when I was rushing home in cab, I noticed something that was very disturbing. My cab stopped in a signal and I was obsevring a old man walking very slowly and tired. He suddenly held his stomach and sat down in the pavement. Its near the signal. What if he slips and fell down on the road. I was worried. I saw some students walking past him, some people chatting and crossing him but none bothered to look.
All this took place in few seconds and I had no choice but to get down from the cab. I got down and went to him.

And when I asked him what happenned and if he need any medical help, poor he, he couldnt understand my language and I couldnt understand his chinese language. Thankfully I saw a girl coming next and asked her to talk to him. She shrugged and said looks like he is hungry. The food court was very near by so I kind of accompained him and dropped him in a food court and gave him some money and I rushed back home.

I dont think I have done a right thing. What I did could have solved his problem for that time but later. May be I should have left him in a old age home or something But I had to rush to see my daughter. My selfishness comes first. But what was more strange was there are people walking past him , students walked past him none bothered to even ask or wait to check on him.

What is happening to Humanity...

In the village I stayed when I was working for a bank, it was like I dont know how to put it in poetic words..

Its like people rushing to fan a flower with dew drops thinking that the flower is sweating..Humanity was like that...

I know now the world is changed a lot more. We do not know if we are helping the right person or not. I had had bad experiences before trying to help some who turned out to be drunkards. But that doesnt stop us from being good. From being helpful.

When I was in school we had a class for moral instructions. Where the teacher would tell us stories on Panchatanthra and about morals about good character etc. In the end we will have exam on that, and the irony is that even if you neednt pass the exam it is okay.
See...Moral is optional then!!! But now there is no class in school for moral instruction. They could as well use it for some other training or to put more efforts on other subjects that would bring more marks and also galores to the school.

In the end I dont know if money would matter or status would matter or the big circle of so called friends and relatives or the big house and a car that matters..

Like there is a saying..Its not how many moments you breath but what matters are the moments that took your breath away.

Just living doesnt matter, Living a life of honesty and sincerity and spreading kindess is what matters.

'What do we live for if not to make life less difficult for each other?'

Abhiyum Naanum (Abhi and Me)

Some stories are meant to be poems and some poems are meant to be stories. When I was watching this movie, I just felt as though am reading a poem. So nicely and naturally taken projecting the Father's love for daughter. All fathers can easily relate to it and so are the daughters. And this movie, oh my god...I felt as though I was watching myself and kind of my story. Only difference is the dad in the moview was monetarily rich while my dad was rich in values and character.
My dad is the best. May be every son and daughter would say that. But as far as I have observed I still would proudly say my dad is the best. For him it is always his daughters and family comes first. I have never seen him doing anything for himself. He would do everything only for us. If it is a festival then only we would get dress and he wouldnt get. He was so protective of us and actually I kind of didnt understand it that time and used to fight with him for being so protective.
I think only after my marriage, I became very close to him. Till then, though I adore him we always used to fight a lot because of him being so protective of me and because of I being more independent. But one thing for sure me and my sister always had a trust on him that if he is near to us nothing can harm us.
There are so many things that would always be in my memory...But the blogs wont be enough to put them in...One of those memorable thing is...
Like the cycle race. I wanted a cycle of my own for long time. I know our family economy condition but still I badly needed one. From my sixth standard, it was like you get first rank you get a cycle. And I managed to get first rank but poor dad, he couldnt keep his promise. I was so angry with him at first that in my seventh standard I wantedly wrote my science paper so badly that I got only 35. (I gave a mild attack to my science teacher..that was a different story). It made him so worry and then he promised that he would buy a cycle for me no matter what if at all I get school first. And getting school first in a school where the strength was 250 per class my god was too tough. But somehow I made it. I literally came running to my house and was waiting for my dad. And he didnt turn up till it was 9:00 pm. Tired and upset I slept off. Around 10:00 he came home and woke me up to show me my new cycle. It was just a WOW moment. More than the cycle what I admired him then and even now is he got the cycle for me even without knowing the results. It was really a big thing for me. And then I made a small jewellery box for my cycle key (all in the night ha ha) and kept the keys inside and lied down hugging my keys. (actually i wanted to sleep hugging the cycle ;) And from then, every evening I would take the cycle and go to my dads office. and then we will have a race back home. I always used to beat him in the race and he always used to be so proud of it. But in the last race we had, I met with a big accident and thats it...From then he didnt allow me to touch the cycle and race tho dhoor ki bath..
I think its nice to have Father and Daughter ONLY moments...Actually its so playful, fun and what not. My mom is also so protective of us but she is so confident on my dad than she herself. So me and my sis had a lot of dad only moments.Be it riding a cycle, Or Playing shuttle, or having a race, or shopping with him and trying to divert him so that he forgets what mom said, walking with him..and very importantly playing in the beach...it was the most scariest and at the same time funniest thing and then the rides..be it Giant wheel or Bungee jumping..why fear when dad near!!! confidence.
We always used to argue for almost everything. Right from my studies to job and then to marriage, there always had been a fight. I desperately wanted to join Engineering but he wasnt sure so when I got a engineering seat outside chennai..we fought...then I joined B.Sc and then I got job in SBI which I dont wanted to join but he wanted me to take it up, Later I got in covanys which I want to join and he dont want me to join..Likewise so many times we had argued but I know all these arguments are all because he was so protective and caring of me.
And then my marriage...Thats what is the coincidence...its just the same as this movie. My hubby was telugu but my dad cant understand or speak Telugu. So intially he wasnt really happy about it. I never understood why should he feel so bad about language but later after marriage...he is now managing to understand and even speak some words in Telugu. He started understanding for my sake and now started trying to speak for his grand daughters sake..:)After marriage and after becoming a parent is when we realize the importance of our parents. Till the time whatever was taken for granted, till the time the comfort they provide us is lost, we never really understand the need and dependency of them.
Just the way I had lots and lots of fun with my dad, Just the way I feel so protected when He is near me...I want the same for my daughter. So many times I send my daughter with her dad, and I wont accompany them. I will just be far and watch. I just love to watch the bondage they develop and adore that.Even now when something goes wrong, or if i need a moral support I know I can depend on my dad. He will be there. Our relationship is not bound by honestly respect(I am not being rude) it is more of bound by Love , affection and Care.
I have seen my friends, who respect their parents and at times try to do things to please their parents and also are at times afraid of their parents. But am really the blessed where I never need to act in front of my parents for anything. If I am angry I can yell at them without any fear or worry if they will misunderstand me..Because I know they wont feel bad Because I know that they very well know much I love them. The place where we live can be called as a home or house depending on whether we live or exist there. And that very much depends on the family.
I am truly lucky to have a father who would do anything..just anything for my sake and my sisters sake. For him our happiness matters the most. And I just hope and pray that we bring all the happiness for him in all that we do.
So to end with..if you get a chance watch ABHIYUM NANUM..and if you get a chance dont wait to let your dad know that you love him..Just say it..NOW.
Btw..MY DAD IS BEST u c...:)

Pinch of Pain

He speaks
Dressed up words
I seek
Truthful worlds

Around me floats
Jokes and joy
No one in my boats
I fake smiles of Coy

He knows
But doesn’t understands
May be He knows
What I didn’t understand

Scared of the naked truth
Can’t fill the dots
Nothings true…
Who’d fill the dots?

Long roads
All alone
All I need is
You to understand

It rained
I drenched
I cried
It pained

No one noticed
It pained
No one listened
It pained
No one understood
It pained

Noticed ones passed by
It pained
Listened ones gossiped
It pained
Understood ones
Stood helpless
It pained

A bottle of venom
A Pinch of pain
Relieved
A life in vain…

… And the dots bloat on…

The best Professor

The most wonderful Teacher.
I would not be doing justice to my blog, if I dont write about the most wonderful,dedicated and the best teacher I had come across - Mahalakshmi Mam.

Throught my school and college days I have been very blessed with good and encouraging teachers around. I didnt study in the best of schools, I had always been to government schools with scholarship and every class had a strength of 80 plus but always had been with the best and good teachers. And the most important person in my life would be Mahalakshmi mam, without whom I would never have completed my graduation.

After getting pathetically less marks in Chemistry, I knew that my engineering dreams are almost crushed. I made it to a college outside chennai. But being from a orthodox and middle class family, I couldnt go and join it. So I had to compromise to join Bsc Physics but the very first day I entered the lab with lots of depression, the things changed.

Mahalakshmi mam, was so empathetic, wonderful and very patient and knowledgeable. The way she explained things in practical class just made me feel better. Infact I was happy that I missed out the engineering for otherwise I would never have had a chance to come across Mam.
She was strict yet caring. she was polite yet would make it a point that we understand her.She will take strain in making us understand things and unless she is satisfied that we have got the point, she would not stop.

Things were going on well and I was enjoying my first two years in college as a class rep and with wonderful friends and lecturers. Thats when we friends decided to appear for BSRB exam. Just for fun we want to write. And throughout India OC had only 7 seats. so we know we dont have any chance. But still four of my friends went and attended the exam. Honestly, its the very easiest paper.

And then I got through that and was posted in State Bank of India. Now I was not sure if I have to take that offer.If I take that offer, I could help my family but I would have to discontinue my college and who would want to miss the final year of college life. And because of Mam, me and my friend became addicted to Physics and we wanted to do our masters in IIT. And this offer was such a big turning point. Because one thing is I need to discontinue my education and other thing is that the job offer was in a village which is around 7 hours away from my Chennai.And finally I decided not to take it up.

But my parents were not very happy. And then I went and spoke to Mahalakshmi mam. And mam convinced me to take the offer. She told me to take a break of 6 months in college and then join Bank and finish my probation period in bank and then come back and join college again. She said she would help me with practicals. And another thing she highlighted is I would get an oppurtunity to serve people by Joining in a rural place. Well the two years in SBI was ofcourse a big learning experience.Now I did as Mam said but unfortunately after 6 months when I came back to join college, I was not well. Had malaria and viral fever so missed college for one more month and so I was not allowed to write exam that year. So I had to take practicals only the next year.

from then my nightmare started, when all my friends had completed their graduation, I havent still. I managed to clear my therory papers with 80 plus percentage by writing it private but practicals was the one I really feared. That is when once again Mam came to my help. She asked me to come to college on every saturday for around a month and then she too came patiently taught me everything. Final year Physics practicals was not really easy. But within 4 classess she made me learn everything and patiently taught me everything. I scored 100 percent in practicals just because of her.

Not only me, she has been a mentor to so many of students. She has helped us at times not only academically but in other aspects as well. I am proud that am her student and I got a good fortune of meeting her in Singapore when she had come to accompany her niece. She was very supportive and even now provided moral support to me when my hubby had to go thru a major surgery.

No words are enough to describe about her. We all just feel very proud and grateful of her throughout our life.

Thank you Mam, for always being there for us.

Pleasure or Pressure

I am taking my seventeen months darling to day care to leave her for half a day. When she holds my hand and walks with me to the play school I feel so proud and as though my darling is doing a great achievement.Just cant express it in words the pleasure I feel to take her to school carrying her bag. But then the moment I leave her there the way she cries to leave me and go inside is just creating such a immense pressure once again no words to express.And again when I go to pick her up, you should see the happiness in that small angels face. And the moment I carry her she gives me some hundred kissess and literally holding on to me.Oh god!!! This is just like watching the tides in ocean. Pleasure followed by Pressure and then pleasure. So in the end what would I call it Is sending your baby to play school a pleasure or pressure?

My little princess going to school

Feb 9th, a never to be forgotten date. Our little princess started going to play school. We just enrolled her for half a day session. Feb 9th it was okay, And yesterday I too was with her. But she was not very happy. The moment I left her for few mintues to go and register, she was in tears. When I saw the total helpless state of tears she was in, I just immediately wanted to resign. But at the same time I thought that is the only way she is going to learn sharing and caring.
Today its Feb 11th and I left my darling in the play school. I was there with her for 10 to 15 minutes and then met all the teachers and told them to take care of her and to call me if she cries. And without her knowledge I just started to my office.
On the way back I felt such a heavy heart. As though am a TARE ZAMEEN PAR Mother. Back in my heart I could even hear the song..tuje sab kuch patha hai na ma..and could imagine my baby helplessly waiting in the door for me. I just couldnt control my tears and I just wanted to run away back to her. It took all my will power to drag myself to office. Physically in office but mentally am just thinking of my darling.
I hope she doesnt cry. Now its 56 minutes more after which I would just run away to hug her. Hope she is fine.
Guess at times being a mother is so tough. Its a proud moment to see my little darling walking inside the school on her own and also a little burden in the heart of missing her and worrying about her. I guess a mother no matter what would always have some worries for her baby. NOw I understand why my mom always keeps worrying about me and keep calling me.
Mothers never change!!!

This Old Man - My grand Pa

My grand dad passed a way 10 days ago. Exactly on the same day as Mahatma died. And I couldnt even attend his funeral. He was 86 plus years old. And was counting his days. He is one who actually chose his death.

I have seen him as a working man, later as a retired man, with his wife(my grand ma) and the last seven years without his wife. He has taught a great lesson and when am writing this, I feel so nostalgic and at the same time a unknown burden in my heart.

My granny had pampered him a lot. He always used to be so egoistic and never even mingled with his own sons and daughters. Whenever he spoke a few words with us I used to feel so proud. He had four sons and two daughters. One of his sons my uncle was mentally challenged and died at his thirties. And so he has around well how many...mmm if am not wrong 7 grand daughters and 3 grand sons..And if anytime he spoke to any of us we used to feel that we had been given some great respect.

Later after he retired..he was juggled between his sons. Its a pain to have more than one son. Number 1 lesson learnt..My grand ma never used to feel comfortable anywhere else other than my house. And my dad is the poor and unlucky middle son. Generally either the eldest or the youngest used to be close to the parents. And my dad was never really close to my grand parents but he was the one though complaining still took care of them. I know my dad. He just lives for his childern. Me and my sis. But deep inside I know how much he loved his parents and had actually longed for their love. Well now till my grnad ma was alive my grand dad lived a life of a king.

But after that alas...he was really a loner. Never having emotional bondage with any of us, he was then joined in a old age home by my uncle in banglore. I went to meet him there, since I was in banglore...seeing the plight of him brought loads of tears in my eyes. The man whom I have seen wiht so much ego and respect was lying down in a bed like some vegetable. The poor longing eyes he still told me what is the use of life when my three sons just left me here. I called my dad immediatlely who was in chennai..I asked him to come and take him to our house in chennai and that my dad did willingly not for my grand pas sake but for my sake.

I remember my grand pa always complaining about my dad to me. Lesson 2 learnt. Never talk bad about parents to their children. But he did. And in the end from 2005 till 2008 it was my dad who served him, including cleaning his shit to giving him food and even searching him when he just goes away. But then in November I wanted my dad to come and stay wiht me to take care of my child. And that is when not only that even my mom retired and one mistake my parents did is they never had a house of their own. Lesson 3 learned No matter what try and build ur own hosue however small it is. So they cant take my grnad pa with them so they asked my uncle to take care The same one who once left my grand pa in a old age home. He came and did the same thing again. And this time no me there to take him back.

And here i am who acted selfishly. When I was in banglore I asked my dad to take him but now i needed my parents to take care of my daughter so I was silent. Though inwardly i felt horrible I couldnt insist my parents to keep my grnad pa becoz one way I needed my parents and the other thing is even my dad getting older couldnt take care of my grand pa.

When all three sons and 10 grand children left him alone in a old age home, my otherwise healthy grand pa couldnt take it. He stopped eating and he chose his death.

Though 100's came to his funeral what is the point when none could be there in his last moments. That is what pains me the most. Even if he had wanted to say something there was no one..but some hospital nurse who was no way related to him in blood.

Life...how it changes...The very close people whom mattered to us become a burden to us when we are busy with other things!!! but does all this matters?I agree that my grand da was no emotinally involved and whatever be his negatives but when a soul is totally helpless is it right to just go and dump in a old age home.I do have answers but still am helpless. I hate myslef for that but what is the use of that too.

I dont know who all should be blamed becuase everyone will have their own justice. But in th e end of it one soul left this world with none to care for because of a disease called old age.
This one way guess will make me strong that in my old age even if am left alone in a old age home, I would consider it as a punishment that God had given to me for neglecting my grand parents may be.

Life is too short and too strange. And we should never let our happiness depened on other person even if its a blood relationship.Thats the final lesson I learnt.
Still I feel a lot and have lots to share but no words come only just that always there would be a burden a black mark in my heart because of this.

The worst Betrayal

Generally when we are low or when some one betrays us the first person we look to share our feelings is our friend. A best friend. But what if your own best friend lets you down.
Isnt it the worst betrayal you could ever face and at the end of it what is the lesson learnt.
How could some one who has spent time with us, understanding us and having been a good friend to us suddenly can let us down and even allow others to talk bad about us. Does that mean friendship holds no responsibility.

Some people we meet leave foot prints in our heart but some just leave some cracks in a delicate heart which never could be healed.

Could never blame those who behave in a way to break our heart but have to blame ourselves for letting our heart be so vulnerable.

Broken hearts can be healed though it leaves the mark it has made always.

Happen to read a poem written by a friend who has betrayed his best friend.

An echo fades into the night,

an eerie mournful sound.

A shooting star disappears from sight,

and I crumble to the ground.

There is no life within this garden;

my sobs are the only sound.

I have poisoned the honeyed fountain

where your love could be found.

Dazed, I stare at the stars above,

my grieving howls fill the night!

Unintended betrayal of love has

hidden you from my sight.

I remember how it used to be

when we shared our fears and delights.

You are a treasured friend to me.

How can I make things right?

Feeling afraid, cold and lonely,

I long to tell you how I feel,

but you don?t want to hear me.

The pain for you is much too real.

Should I back away and build a wall

and block away how I feel?

Or, should I give you a call?

We both need some time to heal.

An echo fades into the night as our friendship disappears.

How do I know what is right? How can I ease my fears?

If I do call you again, would the old wounds reappear?

I can?t stand to cause you pain. Hurting you again is my worst fear!

Kabi Kabi Aditi...Does Friendship Matter

Well I happened to hear this song only couple of weeks before and i guess as of now I have heard it more than 1000 times..Just loved the simple lyrics and foot tapping music and the wonderful lyrics. What impressed me more is the personal touch of the song..where almost in everysentence the name aditi was mentioned. Now you might wonder what is the relationship of this song and the tile does friendship matters?

I happen to hear this song by sheer coincidence when I was absolutely upset with my very best friend. My best friend sent me a one line mail saying the friendship is over between us as I have other personal problems and hence could no longber be friend of yours. That too just a day before my anniversary I got this mail. I was shocked and upset.And even tried very hard to continue the friendship.For it takes years to get a good friend with whom we could be ourselves share the same wavelength and be caring and courteous and at times take for granted but just moments to break it.Though my heart was broken I didnt want to give up on my best friend. I wouldnt even wanted to bring my self respect or ego to crash a wonderful friendship. But nothing worked. After that mail from my friend I tried for couple of weeks to sustain our friendship through mails,sms and phone calls. But finally I was forced to give up because at times I understand that the care for each other seems more important than the need for each other. May be today my friend doesnt need me anymore.Though I need my best friend always and a pure friendship always but if its going to be a burden for my friend, I dont want to force it anymore. So its over now. But it hurts. Hurts a lot.

It has caused a great pain in me and even I now kind of feel that I dont understand what friendship is and I learnt a lesson that you should never be emotional. But what to do. For some unlucky souls like me its not the brain which does the thinking but its the heart that thinks. But another big question is how could friendship matter when you are reaching thirty. Where is the time for a woman to maintain friendship when there is demanding responsibilites at home and work. Well I couldnt answer any. All I was thinking so far is each relationship we have is precious. Each single person we meet have come to our lives for some purpose. And no matter what, we should never give up on one relationship just because we have got a new relationship. No one has the right to hurt others feelings.

With all these hurts and heavy heart, I have learnt one big lesson that we should never depend on others for our happiness. No one really needs anyone. Every one is a individual and can come and go in our lives as they please. The sooner we learn to accept this fact we could be more strong and infact more happier.Though I have understood this I am still trying hard to accept this. But till then it still hurts a lot.And I still miss my friend a lot and still care for my friend a lot more. And I end this up with a small poem to my friend MY LOST FRIEND...BUT STILL MY BEST FRIEND(FOR ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE SHARED).

You My Friend

You my friend

You don't always show it, but I know that you care.

You My friend If I'd ever need you, I know you'd be there.I'm glad you're my friend.

Your smile makes me smile. Your pain makes me hurt.

You My friend I want you to know: If you need me--I'm there.

To make you happy, make you laugh.

You My friend Sometimes you make me mad, but I can't stay mad.

You My friend Sometimes I want to get away from you. And sometimes there's nothing I want more than: to talk to you, to tell you about my day, to hear about yours, to laugh with you, to tease you, to share an inside joke, that no one else would get, to argue with you, but know we're just kidding..

You My friend Do you remember the time when...? There are so many times.

You My friend Don't ever lose the wonderful person you are. Stay happy. Stay healthy. Stay you.

You My friend I'll never stop being your friend. Don't ever stop being mine.

You My friend Just wanted to tell you: I care.

Thats it...And at the same time Thanks for A.R.Rehman and for the lyricist and singer of the song kabi kabi aditi...It kind of really boosted me up when I was depressed.