This Old Man - My grand Pa

My grand dad passed a way 10 days ago. Exactly on the same day as Mahatma died. And I couldnt even attend his funeral. He was 86 plus years old. And was counting his days. He is one who actually chose his death.

I have seen him as a working man, later as a retired man, with his wife(my grand ma) and the last seven years without his wife. He has taught a great lesson and when am writing this, I feel so nostalgic and at the same time a unknown burden in my heart.

My granny had pampered him a lot. He always used to be so egoistic and never even mingled with his own sons and daughters. Whenever he spoke a few words with us I used to feel so proud. He had four sons and two daughters. One of his sons my uncle was mentally challenged and died at his thirties. And so he has around well how many...mmm if am not wrong 7 grand daughters and 3 grand sons..And if anytime he spoke to any of us we used to feel that we had been given some great respect.

Later after he retired..he was juggled between his sons. Its a pain to have more than one son. Number 1 lesson learnt..My grand ma never used to feel comfortable anywhere else other than my house. And my dad is the poor and unlucky middle son. Generally either the eldest or the youngest used to be close to the parents. And my dad was never really close to my grand parents but he was the one though complaining still took care of them. I know my dad. He just lives for his childern. Me and my sis. But deep inside I know how much he loved his parents and had actually longed for their love. Well now till my grnad ma was alive my grand dad lived a life of a king.

But after that alas...he was really a loner. Never having emotional bondage with any of us, he was then joined in a old age home by my uncle in banglore. I went to meet him there, since I was in banglore...seeing the plight of him brought loads of tears in my eyes. The man whom I have seen wiht so much ego and respect was lying down in a bed like some vegetable. The poor longing eyes he still told me what is the use of life when my three sons just left me here. I called my dad immediatlely who was in chennai..I asked him to come and take him to our house in chennai and that my dad did willingly not for my grand pas sake but for my sake.

I remember my grand pa always complaining about my dad to me. Lesson 2 learnt. Never talk bad about parents to their children. But he did. And in the end from 2005 till 2008 it was my dad who served him, including cleaning his shit to giving him food and even searching him when he just goes away. But then in November I wanted my dad to come and stay wiht me to take care of my child. And that is when not only that even my mom retired and one mistake my parents did is they never had a house of their own. Lesson 3 learned No matter what try and build ur own hosue however small it is. So they cant take my grnad pa with them so they asked my uncle to take care The same one who once left my grand pa in a old age home. He came and did the same thing again. And this time no me there to take him back.

And here i am who acted selfishly. When I was in banglore I asked my dad to take him but now i needed my parents to take care of my daughter so I was silent. Though inwardly i felt horrible I couldnt insist my parents to keep my grnad pa becoz one way I needed my parents and the other thing is even my dad getting older couldnt take care of my grand pa.

When all three sons and 10 grand children left him alone in a old age home, my otherwise healthy grand pa couldnt take it. He stopped eating and he chose his death.

Though 100's came to his funeral what is the point when none could be there in his last moments. That is what pains me the most. Even if he had wanted to say something there was no one..but some hospital nurse who was no way related to him in blood.

Life...how it changes...The very close people whom mattered to us become a burden to us when we are busy with other things!!! but does all this matters?I agree that my grand da was no emotinally involved and whatever be his negatives but when a soul is totally helpless is it right to just go and dump in a old age home.I do have answers but still am helpless. I hate myslef for that but what is the use of that too.

I dont know who all should be blamed becuase everyone will have their own justice. But in th e end of it one soul left this world with none to care for because of a disease called old age.
This one way guess will make me strong that in my old age even if am left alone in a old age home, I would consider it as a punishment that God had given to me for neglecting my grand parents may be.

Life is too short and too strange. And we should never let our happiness depened on other person even if its a blood relationship.Thats the final lesson I learnt.
Still I feel a lot and have lots to share but no words come only just that always there would be a burden a black mark in my heart because of this.